Home & Happy

Just a quick note to let you know two things:

1) my trip to NC and drive with J was a great success!

2) I DID IT! I learned this week that the meeting I went to (see here) was a total success and I am back on the right road to accomplish my educational/professional goals.

Wishing you a Shabbat Shalom and a good weekend

On my way

Hello. Just a quick note. I am on my way out of Midwesternville for the fine state of NC where I will catch up with J and then help her drive to pick up her new service dog! How exciting.

I'll post again when I return.
Wishing you strength, courage and hope,
Your sister survivor,
Leah

New link

I have added Carrie's site Life or Something Like It to the survivor blogs listed on the right.

I learned of her site through her comment to my previous post.

From a quick look at her site, she seems to have some personal expereince with trauma and recovery as well as some great book reccommendations!

Welcome Carrie, I look forward to reading your blog!

How the meeting went

Hi. Just a quick note to let you know that my meeting went well. Thanks for the support.

Wish me luck and keep me in your thoughts

As soon as I finish typing this post, I am walking out the door to go to my big meeting. This meeting is with the grad. school from which I completed a large part of my education but as a result of my PTSD years ago, I had to leave. Now I seek readmission. I am centered, focuses, self-assured, nervous and stressed going in. I guess it is an understandable mix. I can use the good thoughts you send my way.

Thanks,
Leah

STRESS

STresS! That is how I am feeling tonight. So much is going on with D & M, with J and with me. My big meeting as a follow up to this post is coming up on Wed. and it will be a big big factor in deciding my future.

Trying to breathe and stay calm,
Leah

The Elephants of family secrets

Trinity has a funny post about elephants in her parernt's family room (and a great ending to a dream) - check it out!

Touching base

Hi. Today was a long and okay day. I'm a bit worried about my grandmother, who was feeling rotten today (but her doctor wouldn't return her call). She has a previously scheduled appointment tomorrow (to which I will take her), so hopefully the dr. will be able to help her.

I'm also worried about my friend R, who has a lot going on right now - a very ill mother, a cousin who just died at age 22 and some issues himself. We sat and chatted for about 30 minutes today and caught-up, which I enjoyed. He is a wonderful friend, kind, compassionate, considerate and sweet. He deserves a major break and I hope it happens for him soon.

Here's hoping for a good day tomorrow and a good shabbat for you and everyone,
Your sister survivor,
Leah

Israel begins to admit DV prob.

Today, Ma'ariv is reporting that the Knesset Domestic Violence Committe admitted that Israel has a domestic violence problem and that they need to continue to do something about it.

Good steps forward.

Pride

I am so proud of my friends who are standing up for equality against bigotry. Specifically, the Kansas Legislature is considering writing discrimination into their state constitution, banning same-sex marriage and partner benefits. This horrible amendment is currently in the Senate Judiciary committee. Today, D spoke out at a hearing and said, "One particular religious viewpoint should not be put in the constitution." Hear hear and a loud AMEN brother!

D, I am SOOOO proud of you!
Supportive sister,
Leah

Snowy Day

Outside my window the world is white again as the tree branches are covered with snow. Our Midwesternville March day is one of typical March surprise and again I feel joy at the clean beauty, promise and hope of a snow-covered morning.

Wishing you a day of hope and strength,
Your sister thriver/survivor,
Leah

More saddness and heartache in Israel

Sadly, there was another double so-called suicide bombing in Israel today, killing at least 11 people.

May G-d bring speedy healing to the wounded, comfort to the bereaved and heavenly grace to the murdered.

Some time soon all violence, assault and war must end. May it be soon.

Busy Shabbat & Sunday

Hi. Just a quick post to say hello and that I hope all of you are doing okay. I have had a busy week and am headed into another busy one.

May it be a week of survivorship and thrivership, strength and hope for all of us!

Celebrate the women in your life - today is International Women's Day

Today is International Women's Day. [Thank you to feminisite for the reminder and thanks to Mike for the link to feminisite.] You can read a bit about the origins and history of IWD from SUNY Bighamton or from an Aussie woman or from Information Please!.

Let us celebrate our strength, courage, perseverance and contributions to our world!

Happy Purim

Be joyful - today is Purim!
I hope you get to celebrate this joyful holiday of hamentaschen (yummy filled cookies for the uninitiated), noisemakers and costumes.
On Purim we remember the heorism of Esther, who risked her life to save her people, our people.

Purim has come to mean other things to me as well. On Purim we use groggers (noisemakers), our feet and mouths to drown out the name of the evil Haman, who because of his ego convinced the King (Achasveirosh) to decree the death of all Jews. This year, I propose that we also drown out the names of all abusive men and women who molest, incest, rape, beat, taunt and instill fear in other men or women or especially in children.

The story of Purim has some problematic sections in it as well as the triumphant ones. For example, Queen Vashti (Queen before Esther) is dethroned because she refuses to be a sex toy for her husband and his friends. Here are two great feminist reflections/articles/programs on Purim: Unmasking Esther: A Women's Celebration and Vashti: A Feminist Heroine?" and Vashti: A Feminist Heroine?.

Purim is a time to speak out against injustice - especially injustice against women. As said in the Unmasking Esther article linked above, "So, dear readers, ha'zak v'ematz, be strong and take courage. As Mordechai once said to Esther (chapter 4:14) "If you persist in keeping silent at a time like this...you and yours will persish. And who knows whether it was just for such a time as this that you attained your elevated position?" And Esther looked him straight in the eye and answered, "Gotcha.""

If you want a general Purim resource, try My Jewish Learning - Purim

Enjoy and be empowered,
Your sister survivor/thriver,
Leah

XML

Hi. Posts to this blog will now be available in XML feed as sponsored by Blogger. Blogger uses Atom. You can find the link to the XML feed in the left column. Here is more information on Atom.

Let me know if you have any problems accessing it.

A Jewish artistic look at the Passion

Hi Yall from gray, wet, gloomy (yet somewhat warm) Midwesternville. This morning, following my usual Monday morning obligation, I finally got a chance to go to Barnes and Noble and get the latest copy of Heeb Magazine: The New Jew Review. (A funny, self-affirming and yet somewhat sef-critical magazine which looks at a previously un-discussed side of the Jewish world.) They have an artisitc presentation on the Passion called Crimes of Passion (once you see issue 5 on the site, clikc on Crimes of Passion within the table of contents to get to the article/production) with pictures and comments of their take on the Passion. I found it powerful, provacative and a bit troubling (one thing in particular is a tad troubling for me - take a look and see if you can guess what it is). One note, there are sexually provacative pictures with some nudity, so if that is triggering or if you are not old enough to see it - don't click on the link! And, I wouldn't be complete if I didn't give a shout out to my friend N who did an awesome job directing and producing the photo shoot and article!! You Go Girl! (I'll continue the brag by telling you that she is also the Creative Director of the magazine!)

Interesting news

According to Haaretz, Osama bin Laden has been captured, but the State Department is denying it until Bushy can get the most political milage out of it. If he really is captured, I think that is great and that it is disgusting that Bush cares more about his re-election than charging bin Laden with his crimes and getting him to trial. Bush continues to spit on the graves of those murdered on 9-11.

As of the time of this posting, nothing on NYTimes website, nor Google News.

On the Passion movie

Recently, I saw the Passion movie. I went, because I had to speak about the movie for my job in the Jewish community. The movie was very very violent and quite troubling to me for a number of reasons. (I think it is important to say that non-Christians and believing Christians see different movies from one another, especially those of us who are Jewish.)

No offense to those of you who are Christian who find value in the movie, but I found it deeply disturbing.

Many resources and websites have been collected and put together on the movie. A great place to start is the Commission on Interreligious Affairs.

Another note - survivors should be particularly careful about the movie, as the violence might be triggoring.

Another terror attack

In case you missed it, Arafat's Al-Aksa Brigade has murdered again. Today's attack on bus #14 (Jerusalem Post article) killed at least 8.

This makes it 101 successful suicide attacks since September 2000, the beginning of the current violence, and another 149 that failed. Failed attacks refer to terrorists who either blew only themselves up or were apprehended while on the way to carrying out a suicide attack. 584 people have been killed by suicide bombers in the past 41 months. (statistics from Jerusalem Post article)

Shabbat Shalom - Wishing you a good end to the week

Greetings and Shabbat Shalom from a gray, windy and wet Midwesternville. As the hour creeps toward the start of the sabbath and the rest, quiet and reflection it brings, I feel a sense of quietude and calm.

I look forward to sabbath worship and other activities of the weekend and I hope that you too have a restful and rejuvinating sabbath (whenever you celebrate yours) and weekend.

In sisterhood and friendship,
Leah

A step closer to fulfilling a dream

Hi. A bit of good news about my personal life. Yesterday, I took a step forward in pursuit of my formerly derailed professional goals. Yesterday I got half of the train car back on the tracks, and in the coming weeks (if all goes well) I will have all the wheels on track and will be moving forward! Thanks for the support. (When I was nervous, I thought of all of you supporting me.)

Powerful Posters

Thanks to Mike, you can see some powerful posters which speak about Israeli society and values. Look at BlueStar PR Gallery for posters about unionized labor, asylum, environmentalism and the health care system in Israel along with many others. (for example, there is a poster there asking, "In what Middle East country do Arab women have the right to vote? Israel." Even I, left winger that I am, am moved by these posters and I find them to ring true and show a side of Israel that the world doesn't often see. Go and take a look.

Snow in Jerusalem

Jerusalem is beautiful in the snow, and today Jerusalemites are getting to enjoy it. I remember the two mornings I awoke to snow when I lived in Jerusalem. Magical and beautiful. My roomates and I got up early and walked around taking pictures.

Here are some reports on the current snow in Jerusalem and other parts of Israel:
Haaretz
Jerusalem Post
Maariv International

Happy Valentine's Day

Hi. I hope that you are having an okay valentine's day, free of triggors, stress and guilt. As a single woman with no plans for tonight who has never been big into Valentine's day, I'm not worried about being dateless. I hope that whatever you are doing with whomever you are doing it is fun.

For those of you with dates, life partners, husbands and wives - enjoy each other's company, celebrate your love and joy!

What Jews Believe

Occasionally, I get a question about Judaism and what I believe. The web site below does a great job answering some of the questions.

Rabbi Stuart Federow has an incredible web site on What Jews Believe which answers questions on Judaism and on the differences between Judaism and Christianity. Well worth a look and a bookmark/favorite!

"Alas, a blog" & a theory about rape

Amp at Alas, a blog analyzes why rape occurs in our society.

Quoting in part, Amp says:

"What causes rape? How can we change our culture so that it happens less often, or not at all? I'd like to give my opinions on this - at, perhaps, some risk of pissing some folks off....I'd identify three interrelated candidates: the myth of masculinity, cultural disdain for women, and our society's conception of sexuality as something possessed exclusively by women. If we want "24 hours in which there is no rape," then we have to destroy these three warped cultural ideas."


Here are some of my thoughts on that post: (as I posted on Amp's blog)

Amp,

I think your analysis has a large amount of validity and I hope it helps to open people's minds.

I do have some points of discussion/disagreement for you:
1) blaming society may lead rapists to say that they are not at fault for raping women - they are "just" doing what we "program" them to do. This is unacceptable.

2) I understand what you are saying about the possibility of rape being connected to sex. However, I think that the point of the theorists who say that it isn't about sex but about violence and power fits into your theme - they have the power to take what they want and since sex is what they want they just take it without consequences.

3) Men need to be held more accountable for rape and its long-term psychological and psycho-social consequences.

4) My largest point of disagreement is when it come to the "specialized" form of rape which is incest. I do NOT believe that a man who rapes/incests his two-year-old daughter (a common age for father-daughter incest to begin) is doing it for sexual pleasure. The bastard is doing it because he can.

Still here, still blogging

Hi all. Sorry it has been a week since I posted. It has been an incredibly hectic week at my various jobs and I've barely even been checking email. Sorry.

In promise to blog more soon,
In supportive sisterhood,
Leah

Farewell to Moriji

A few days ago, Moriji posted on his blog that he is going to stop writing it.
Best wishes to you.

Very Sad News

I am sad to say that I have more news to share on last week's suicide bombing in Jerusalem. N called me today and told me that one of the 11 people killed was Anat Darom, a 23-year-old statistics and sociology student (at Hebrew Univeristy) who volunteered her time and her heart at the Association for Rape Crisis Centers in Israel. While I didn't have a chance to meet Anat during my two visits to ARCCI's office in Jerusalem, I heard her name when she phoned in to the office. The Jerusalem Post writes about her and some of the others killed. You can see Anat's picture (along with 8 other of the 11 victims) on Tzemach.

May her family find comfort from one another at this horrible time.
Your sad sister survivor,
Leah

Update on Suicide Bombing

I've now heard from or of my friends in Israel, and although they seem to be shaken, they are all okay. This is just so sad and so senseless. The Palestinian "Authority" is doing worse than nothing - - this attach was claimed by a member of the al-Aqsa Martyr's Brigade - - Yasser Arafat's own group! And, get this, the bomber was a Palestinian POLICEMAN! Aaargh. For more, see this Ha'aretz article.

The Israeli government has a video of the aftermath, to help show the world just how devastating this is. You can see the footage at Israel Foreign Ministry site. Caution - this is QUITE GRAPHIC.

Pray for the families, the injured, the survivors and for peace.

Tearful Morning

Every morning I wake up to the radio, to Morning Edition. This morning, as I listened, my eyes teared and my heart filled with sadness. At least 10 people were murdered on a bus this morning in Jerusalem (in my old neighborhood, on a street I walked many days of my recent trip) by a terrorist suicide bomber. Apparently, the bomber planned his murderous mission and timed the explosion to occur at the corner of Gaza and Arlozorov streets in Jerusalem. The descriptions of the scenes in Maariv's English paper and in Ha'aretz (also in English) fill me with sadness and anger. Why must the world be filled with such hate that leads a person to take joy in murder, maiming and pain? Why? I know the typical responses and I'm not even looking for answers this morning, just sharing where my feelings are. Please join me in praying for the recovery of the wounded, for help and support for the families of the dead and for peace in Israel, in the territories and throughout the world.

Cold weather & feeling safe

Midwesternville dawned this morning (like many recent mornings) cold and bright. The sunlight bounced off the snow and I left my home bundled in warm layers, scarf (from Israel!) around my face, hat on my head and gloves on my hands. I love these cold mornings.

I know, I know. You might think I am crazy to love this cold cold weather. There is just something so clean, fresh and hopefull for me about a chilly morning. Bundling up brings a cozy, safe feeling through me. The bitting cold air rings of newness, cleanliness and hope.

Wherever you are and whatever the weather, I hope you feel safe.
Your sister survivor and thriver,
Leah

Hi, still here

Hi. I'm sorry that, my goodness, I haven't blogged for a week. I am still here. I've just been swamped with all kinds of work.

I hope to post more later.

Wishing you a thriver day,
Leah

Program to Prevent Child Sexual Abuse

My friend N told me about a program sponsored by the Ms. Foundation called Safety. Check it out and implement it in your community!

Another post in memory of Dr. King

Rabbi Dr. Joachim Prinz spoke before Dr. King spoke at the August 28, 1963 March on Washington. His powerful words still ring true today. You can read and hear his words at this site about Dr. Prinz.

Carrying on the Dream

A happy and meaningful day to you in honor and in memory of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I hope that you take some time out of your day today to remember Dr. King's life, work and legacy. There are many sites with great information, one that I like is Thoughts from a Rabbi with some quotations and other links.

May his dream of freedom, hope and quality of life be true soon for all men, women and CHILDREN!

2 Articles to Read

A domestic violence survivor speaks out in the The Cleveland Jewish News. The govenor of Mass. has proposed a bill to punish people who know about child abuse and don't report it - see this article in the Boston Herald.

Hat tip to The Awareness Center.

Fixed links

Hi. I got an email the other day letting my know that some of my archival links are broken. Thanks.

They are now fixed.

Supporting Israel

Today, on the net, I learned about a new project for supporting Israel, including terror victims and their families. It is a 2-cd music set filled with music from many many popular musicians. I plan on getting one myself. You can find out more at Voices for Israel.

Here is their mission statement (as quoted from their web site)
Mission Statement
Voices For Israel has four primary objectives:
- To express support for and solidarity with the people of Israel during these trying times.
- To raise money for victims of terrorism in Israel.
- To promote a global sense of Jewish unity and community.
- To achieve the above goals through music; there is no more inspiring way to convey our innermost hopes, feelings and prayers than through song.

Hat tip to 1 Rabbi who gives a hat tip to Jew View.

Stop the Silence - Stop Child Sexual Abuse

Hello. Would you like to do some activism this spring? How about walk or run in an event working to end child sexual abuse? What about volunteering to help? Or, just spreading the word and let other people know about it? This April 17, 2004 in Washington DC there will be a walk/race to end CSA. It is being sponsored by a coalition of organizations. For more information go to Stop the Silence: Stop Child Sexual Abuse.

Let's do it!

Back online again

Well, I came home, turned on the computer and I can get online! Hooray. Who knows how it happened (probably the ISP fixed it after claiming it was my problem), but at least I'm up and running again.

Have a thrivership day,
Leah

Internet Problems

Hello again. I have been unable to use my home computer to get online all day. I spoke with my ISP and after 50 minutes with tech support (and a helpful, friendly guy) I have been passed up the chain. Long story short, I don't know when I'll be able to get on again with time to blog, since I won't be working from home. So, please understand if it takes me a while to post again or respond to comments.

Thanks,
Leah

PS - Thank you R, who is letting me use your computer tonight! :-)

Annother Organization supporting Male Survivors

Hi there. Next Step Counseling has workshops and resources for male survivors of child sexual abuse. [Hat tip to The Awareness Center.]

Site for and about men who are survivors

Through an email from The Awareness Center I learned of Male Survivor facts and stats. There is also an associated site with support for male survivors.

Go take a look.

Long time since posting.

Sorry it has been so long since I posted. I think I am FINALLY over the last remnants of my jet lag (which mostly manifested in messed up sleep patterns). I've also been back in the normal swing of things, including working nearly 8 hours today.

Also connected to my Israel trip, I have posted some pictures on ofoto. If you are interested in seeing the pictures, please leave me a comment or email me and I'll send you the link to the album.

In terms of survivorship stuff, I feel like I did so much good thrivership work during my trip that now I am in a bit of withdrawal. Perhaps it is only Israel withdrawal and my missing of being there, speaking Hebrew and eating falafel and shakshukah (I need to find a recipe for the latter), but I'm also feeling it manifest in survivor stuff.

Well, that's where I am today,
Wishing you a good new week of survivorship and thrivership,
Leah

Shavuah Tov

Hello & Shavuah Tov (a good new week),

I hope that this week will be a good one for you and yours, as many of us return from vacation/holidays to "the real world" of work and responsibilities.

I'm off to work myself this morning, so that's all for now,

Leah

Pearls before Swine cartoon

Hello. While catching up in my many emails during the trip, I heard about a cartoon called Pearls Before Swine which had a cartoon about terrorist bombings. It is a powerful cartoon which you can see at this link for 12/28/03.

Back in the USA

Hello. Just a quick note to let you know that I arrived back in Midwesternville, USA late at night on Tuesday, December 30, 2003.

I hope that your secular New Year is off to a good start,
May it be a year of thrivership,
Leah

A day of thrivership

Shalom again from Jerusalem (where it is now 4:45 pm). This may be the last time I get to say that for a while, for I leave tomorrow morning to return to Midwesternville. :-(

Today feels like a day of much thrivership and thinking about my story, my healing and this journey I am on. Why today? This morning, N came over to the apaprtment where I am staying (still with C, an awesome hostess) with her camera equipment and she did some follow-up interviewing, particularly focused on memory. She asked me about what I remember, how I remember it, if I doubt my memories and if I could share some memories with her. I expected all these questions, because she sent me an email in order that I could prepare.

I spent some time over the past few days thinking and preparing and thought I was ready to talk about memory issues in general as well as some specific memories. While sharing with her the detail of my first incest memory (age 2 and a half) I felt the acute presence of the emotional pain, heartache and sadness of the experience. I felt it in my mind and my body - from the pit of my stomach to the sound of my voice. I haven't felt that way in a while. The feelings are good and appropriate and the fact that they match what I am doing is all good. (For many years of my life I didn't have feelings when things happened, a coping mechanism I learned as a kid when I got in trouble for crying or being otherwise emotional.)

Talking about my struggles with memory along with the belief in the memories I have (which by the way are increasing) helped me put some order to my current processing. (By the way, my memory problems are largely PTSD related and I find them somewhat frustrating.)

During the interview with N, we spoke of her story and situation. She gave me the opportunity to offer her some thoughts and perspective based on my story. It makes me feel good when the healing (and the pain) that I have gone through may help someone else.

Then, this afternoon I got another dose of thrivership. I met with A, an Israeli woman and courageous survivor of incest by her father and cousin. A is in the process of writing a book about Jewish women and men who are victims or survivors of incest. The format is testimonial rather than didactic. If you are interested in having your story included please email me and I will give you her information.

It occurs to me as I type this, that A is one of the few Jewish Women I know who is a survivor working on her healing. I know of other women, but I don't feel the connection I have begun to feel with her. Thank you, A, for your time and I look forward to writing for your book.

So, as you might have realized by now, it has been an intense yet healing and activist day. I hope that your day is also going well.

Your sister survivor/thriver,
Leah

New Resource

Hello again from Israel (it is 4:14 pm Jerusalem time as I write). In this post I mentioned that would be visiting the Association for Rape Crisis Centers in Israel. Well, N and I went there together and had an enjoyable couple of hours. In fact, I may become the webmaster for the site they are developing! In Hebrew!!! Doing so will certainly push my Hebrew to a higher level, which is a good bonus for the volunteering. I will be going back there tomorrow to meet with another incest survivor who is writing a book in Hebrew of people's testimonies.

While at the office, I learned of a new site - one which is amazing, but all in Hebrew. Take a look at it, it is called Macom (or place).

Wishing you a day of thirvership,
Your sister survivor,
Leah

PS - It is very exciting to be participating in activist work in Israel as well as in the states.

A serious crisis of gang rape in France

(From Jerusalem, 12:23 am local time, Sunday, December 28, 2003)

Hi. This post covers two things which I learned about from N - thanks girl!

1) France has a huge gang rape problem across their society. Read about it and a courageous women who is speaking out in this Time magazine article.

2) Here is a new resource on the Kobe Bryant case - it covers what to do and say when people ask you about it. Also, please remember to go to We Believe Her.

Leah

Antisemitism in a time of tragedy

A great tragedy has occurred in the world with the horrible earthquake in Bam, Iran. Rescue teams from many countries have sent their specialized teams who are gifted in finding people in rubble, using human power, technology and sniffer dogs. All the countries of the world are welcome and encouraged to help except, guess who? Israel. It seems that the government of Iran is more interested in hating Israel, which they call the "Zionist regime" (a moniker itself filled with hate and disdain), than helping their own suffering people. (For the full story go to the Ha'aretz article) Can you imagine? They are willing to let more of their people die than accept help from Israel. (By the way, Israel has sent rescue teams to many disasters, including earthquakes in Turkey and Sept. 11 in New York.) It is so sad when hatred costs lives.

Leah

Safe now in Jerusalem

Here comes another quick update. Today, I spent the day in Tel Aviv and Petach Tikvah. Initially I was going to be filmed by N for a follow-up to the thanksgiving filming; then go to a meeting about helping to set up a website for a Rape Crisis center in Israel and then go to a friend's home for dinner and candle lighting with her, her husband and her 5 kids. The meeting was cancelled because of the host's child being ill, N was also "under the weather" so we sat and talked instead of filming and then I went to Petach Tikvah where the friends live.

Yes, that's right - Petach Tikvah - where the terroist attack/murderous bombing took place today. On my way to my friend's home I passed in front of the very bus stops which were bombed (about 3.5 hours before it happened.) The husband (of my friend) was so close to the bombing that he could hear/feel it, but he is okay. We heard many, many sirens. As of this writing, 4 Israelis were killed and many injured, some quite severly. If you would like to read about the attack, go to this Ha'aretz article in English or this Ha'aretz article in Hebrew.

Well, I'm off to get some rest and calm down before trying to go to bed tonight. I have another 5/5:30 am day tomorrow, so I'll need that rest.

Wishing you a good holiday (whatever you might be celebrating) and a Shabbat Shalom to my Jewish friends. May this sabbath be one of peace for us in Israel and for all in the world.

Your safe but shaken sister survivor,
Leah

Quick bit about my day

Hi. It's late (11:48 pm) and I have to be up around 6:30 am. Today I did some more volunteering at Rabbis for Human Rights, went to an awesome workshop on a tallit (prayer shawl) and then put the fringes on a lovely piece of lace fabric. After the workshop I went to a protest on the economic policy here, then had dinner with C and her friend V and then came back to the apartment to finish the tallit, do some laundry and now go to bed.

Until next time,
Your sister survivor,
Leah

Today's events

Good evening. It's 9:15 pm in Israel as I write. I'm sitting in C's apartment, watching the last flickers of the shamash of her hanukkiyah flicker out. All of the candles in my hanukkiyah have already gone out. (A hanukkiyah is a Hanukkah menorah - a candelabra in which we light candles for each of the 8 nights of Hanukkah. We light one for each night + a "leader" candle, or shamash that lights the rest. If you want more info about Hanukkah, go to http://www.myjewishlearning.com/holidays/Hanukkah.htm).

In the background, I am watching Sky News (a British channel) and getting their view of the world. (C has cable, broadband internet and is an awesome and very very generous host! Lucky me!)

Today I visited a family I know who live in Ashdod, Israel. To see where that is on the map of Israel, look on the Mediterranean coast south of Tel Aviv. They were very kind and sweet to me (as are many Israelis - hospitality is part of the culture here). As an aside, I know that some of you have heard that Israelis are abrupt, tough and sometimes rude by American standards. True, but Israelis are like the sabra fruit (a cactus), tough and prickly on the exterior but soft and sweet on the inside. So, back to the family in Ashdod. They picked me up at the bus station there (It is pretty safe to ride the buses between cities - much safer than buses in the cities - there is as much security to get into the Central Bus Station in Jerusalem as there was when I got on my flight in Midwesternville to fly to New York and connect to Tel Aviv.) and then we went to their home in a neighborhood called Gan Yavneh which is about a 5-8 minute drive outside of Ashdod. They have a lovely home with front and back yard where they have a lemon tree, a pomegranate tree and some other trees. The grandma in the family and I chatted and then the kids came and said hello (14-year-old boy and 6-year-old girl) and the girl put on some music and danced for us. Very cute. The mom and the son prepared a sumptuous lunch of two salads (carrot & cabbage and also Israeli salad which is cucumber and tomato) (the veges here are so amazing - much more flavorable than any in the states unless you grown your own), cheese bourekas and mushroom bourekas (a savory pastry that are yummy), onion blinzes/crepes, avocado, fresh bread and salmon. Are you stuffed just reading? Salivating yet? It was topped of with a delicious fruit tea and cake and fresh dates. Yummy yummy. Wow. We then watched a CD of pictures of the family over the years. Nice.

Then, we went to walk by the Mediterranean Sea. The sea shone with the sun's reflection - bouncing the radiant blue sky polka-dotted with a few clouds. Before us lay a carpet of rich blues hemmed by white foam along the tan beach and a ribbon of ships along the horizon. From the corner of our eyes, we sensed movement and saw three men stripping to their boxers, preparing to swim (mind you the air temp was about 50 and the water about 60) - brrr. After gazing at the swells and the ships we walked along a park path and saw a memorial to the Sturma (read the story of the Sturma here) along with a number of beautiful statues, trees and flowers.

She then took me to the Ashdod Central Bus Station where I went through security and then purchased a ticket and waited with my two hostesses (the kids were by then doing their own things) for the bus. Here is an interesting tidbit about buses in Israel - you can pay the driver and get change back. Can you imagine a US bus/subway/train person making change for you as you board? Didn't think so. I rode the bus back to Jerusalem - a gorgeous drive through the farm-rich coastal plain up through the foothills and into Jerusalem.

Upon arriving again at the Central Bus Station and going through security to get from the bus back into the station, I spoke with a pharrmacist at an Israeli chain called "Super Pharm" to get some cold remedies and then I helped out the Israeli economy a bit with some purchases. The mall within the Bus Station was having a big party for Hanukkah with activities for kids, tarot readings, book tables, and costumed performers some of whom were distributing sufganiot (a filled donut that is one of the traditional foods for Hanukkah). It was so fun to see that atmosphere for Hanukkah and not Christmas (no offense to you who celebrate Christmas, I just don't see people in the states (especially the Midwest) do it for Hanukkah, mostly done for Christmas. It was fun.

I then walked back to the apartment, stopping along the way for some errands. Upon returning here, I talked with C, lit candles and made dinner. Now I'm talking with you.

Tomorrow promises to be a full and interesting day - more office volunteer work for Rabbis for Human Rights (http://rhr.israel.net/overview.shtml), a tallis-making workshop with one of my favorite creative Jewish ritual writers and a demonstration against the economic policy of the State of Israel (which is taking money out of the mouths of children to put it in the pockets of the rich - sound familiar?).

Well, this is long enough already and I need to do some other stuff, so I'll sign off for now.

Your sister survivor,
Leah

New Link

Hello again from Jerusalem. Through Disproportionately Disillusioned I found New York Confidential, a website about being a child abuse investigator.

Check it out!

Day 8 of Israel

Hi. I can't believe I've already been here a week and that I only have a week to go. (That last part makes me quite sad.) I hope to post later tonight (it is noon on Monday 12/22 as I write) and fill you in on I'll I've done, but I just want to share with you what a great day I'm having.

This morning, N (who stayed with me at C's apartment in Jerusalem last night) and I got up before dawn and walked into the center of town (from Talbieye in Jerusalem if you happen to know where that is) to do some filming for the movie she is making about when she was raped in Israel and the aftermath. Jerusalem was quiet and freezing cold (there is a damp wind here which cuts through) peaceful and she feels like she got alot done. We also went into the old city and did some general filming around and at the wailing wall. With all of the walking, it feels like a full day already, yet we are both energized and excited to film a follow-up phone call to her rapist (she confronted him last week), to go to lunch at the cafe where the confrontation happened (a victory lunch) and then go to Jerusalem's rape crisis center. (I'll add a link later when I know it.)

N is very courageous to be making a documentary of her experience. I think that the process has been very good for her and is a nice step in her healing (rape was three and a half years ago).

I'm also enjoying the blossoming friendship between N and I.

Well, she has set up her film equipment for the phone call so I need to go. More later. (N who is standing here as I type, says hi to all.)

(btw - if you want to see another post about N, go to this post.

Your sister survivor,
Leah

Hag Urim Sameach (Happy Hanukkah)

Good morning (7 am on 12/19 here in Israel when this is posted).

Just a short note to wish all of you (who are Jewish or live with someone who is) a Hag Urim Sameach - a Happy Hanukkah.

May the lights of Hanukkah brighten your world physically and spiritually.
May they inspire you to stamp out the darkness of opression, hatred, abuse,
war and discrimination.

Leah

New Survivor Blog

Mike posted today about a powerful and moving new blog called Disproportionately Disillusioned. Go check it out and read her moving and emotional story.

Welcome to the survivor blog support network,
You sister suvivor.

PS - Today (12/18) was day 4 of Israel (counting the day I arrived when I just hung out with my friend C) and I am already up to 24 hours volunteering! I'm having a great time being back in Jerusalem, speaking Hebrew and walking the streets of a home that I love.

Tom Tomorrow on Finding Hussein

Tom Tomorrow puts a funny yet realistic flavor on reactions to finding Sadaam.

Regarding the Capture of Saddam Hussein

Like many, I wonder what the recent capture of Saddam will come to mean. While blogging tonight (it's 9pm in Israel on Tuesday as I type this) I came across this article on it, which seems to make a lot of sense to me.

My First Full Day in Israel

Tuesday, December 16, 2003 - 7:14 pm Israel time

Shalom. Typing on C's computer (A gracious host who lets me use her computer and broadband and everything else - I'm staying here both weeks. Such a nice woman.) and listening to an evening news analysis program (debate between 6 people) in Hebrew (with all of the Hebrew commercials and etc) I smile - I'm really here. It wasn't just a dream.

Today was my first day volunteering for Rabbis for Human Rights. I spent today (as well as most of tomorrow) helping them prepare for their upcoming Annual Meeting. I am now quite familiar with their copier :-). The joys of volunteer work. Actually, as mundane as the work is, I enjoyed being in the office, hearing Hebrew spoken and participating in the amazing work which they do. Take a look at their site for a bit about it. Basically, the courageous people there work for the Human Rights of all, for individual and - more significantly - government and military actions which respect the part of us which is created in the Divine Image.

After a 7 hour "work" day, I walked to the center of Jerusalem. The walk brought back so many memories (where I am staying and volunteering are in the same neighborhood I lived in when I spent a year in Israel.) Each street, building and area I passed touched on my days here - many many good memories of a great (although not easy) time in my life. It's hard for me to describe the feeling here. There is a magic to Israel and a magic to Jerusalem. The hills (very very old mountains) of Jerusalem are covered with trees and buildings made of Jerusalem stone, a form of sandstone. Because all the buildings are built of the same material, there is a uniformity to the eye, and more significantly for me, a city which glows from home to home, business to business - especially at sunrise and sunset. As a Jew, there is also a magic here of being in a place where Jews live together and are in the majority. Here, the average person looks somewhat like me, or could be a distant relative. Here, I am not constantly reminded that I live in the US - a country with the blessings of religious freedoms - a country which is increasingly institutionally embracing Christianity. I love America, this is just a different experience.

Tonight I ate in my favorite restaurant in Jerusalem - a totally vegetarian (and very affordable) place with an awesome salad bar, delicious soups and a large variety of hot vegetarian entrees and sides. Yum yum yum. How nice it was to eat there again (even though it moved down the street since I was last there).

Well, I have probably rambled enough.
Time to sign off,
L'hitraot,
Leah

Good morning from Israel!

Shalom haverim! (Hello, friends),

I write you from C's apartment in Jerusalem! Yipeee. It is so great to finally be here, to have had a decent night's sleep and now to beginning my first full day here.

Will write more later,
Leah

Good morning from Israel!

Shalom haverim! (Hello, friends),

I write you from C's apartment in Jerusalem! Yipeee. It is so great to finally be here, to have had a decent night's sleep and now to beginning my first full day here.

Will write more later,
Leah

Shabbat Shalom

Hello. Ahhh, shabbat has come at last. It was nice to be at services tonight.

Less than 2 days to Israel!! Hooray!!! I am sooo excited. Tons and tons to do, but excited nonetheless.

I'll keep you posted if I have internet access while there.

Leah

Political Cartoon

I laughed aloud at the latest Tom Tomorrow cartoon. Go take a look.

Interesting family development

Hello. Well, it has now been a few days since we buried my grandfather. My "father" and sister have left Midwestville (my "father" left for a meeting and will return here before he and my mother go home) and now its just my mother (here until Saturday), aunt and me. My aunt has never been a pleasant person. She has never been one to compromise, negotiate or see anything beyond extremes of right and wrong.

Now, she is trying to force my grandmother to stay in her huge and falling-apart home rather than slowly begin the process of moving into an independent living apartment (with meals and activities and neighbors and etc) in a seniors highrise. My grandmother has been wanting this move for years and years. So, why doesn't my aunt want to let it happen - who knows what is going on in her head? Probably she doesn't want to see her leave the home that my aunt lived in from age 8 on and she (aunt) doesn't want to have to deal with all of her things that are filling up that house. It has also been a free place for her to do laundry, have a meal that my grandmother cooks and cleans up after etc etc.....

Lest you think that my aunt is a young woman just getting her start in the world, be assured, she is not. She is 55 years old!!!

Dear auntie has been inciting my grandmother against my mother and my sister and is causing lots of trouble (won't help find the will, won't let my grandmother make an appointment with the lawyer and etc.)

What a screwed up woman. What a screwed up family.

There is one decent spot in all of this. My parents and my sister did not show any big ugly signs of the attention between us. Everyone actually behaved like adults for the most part. Shocking.

Well, it is now 4 yes 4 :-) days until I leave for Israel and I have tons to do, so I will go.

Your sister survivor,
Leah

Family update

Hi. Just a quick note to let you know how things went at the funeral yesterday. I think we accomplished a respectful and caring farewell for my grandfather.

The family behaved relatively well, no starting any fights. (Thank goodness!)
Thanks for the support and encouragement.

Leah

Gathering of the Family

Hi. Thanks for the condolences which some of you left below. Tonight, all of the family (meaning my grandmother, aunt, mother, father and sister) gathered at my grandmother's house to meet with the rabbi who will do the funeral. It was very interesting to pay attention to who answered his questions and how they were answered. Quite revealing, actually, of our family and the dynamics in it.

My sister arrived in town today (parents came in yesterday - Friday) and from the moment she arrived, she has barely said anything to me - only when I said hi and asked her about the flight and only when I asked her if I could get her anything from the kitchen. I have been spending much of the last days helping my grandmother, which I know she appreciates. When my sister (or, as I have been thinking of her today, "the queen") arrived, she did not do one bit to help. Well, to be fair, she did help my father with something that he reluctantly did for my grandmother. She only helped when asked and then reluctantly. Interesting. I'll be curious to see if her daggers will continue for me tomorrow and if she confronts me about my not joining her for thanksgiving.

Well, I have other things to do and tomorrow will be a very long day, so I sign off,
Your sister survivor,
Leah

Israel count down = 8 days! Hooray! (My grandmother told me today that she insists that I go.)

Interesting Family Days Ahead

Well, the coming days should be very interseting. Why, you ask? Well, sadly, this afternoon (Thursday) my grandfather died. Fortunately, I was able to get to the hospital to be there for my grandmother within a realatively short time of his passing. She is a very special lady, who has endured a lot in her life. So, the family are all coming tinto town for the funeral. Hopefully everyone will be appropriate and not cause trouble. Hmmm. We'll see.

From a sad sister survivor,
Leah

Home again

Hi. I'm sitting at the computer with a purring ball of gray and white fuzz on my lap. It is great to be home and to see the kitty again (even though he did get into some things while I was away - - ahem. Oh well, I guess he is entitled, after all I was gone for 5 and a half days.). He's so funny. When I come home from travelling, he spends the first few hours walking around the apartment meowing in a conversational way. He doesn't do this normally, and I wonder if he is either chastizing me for being gone, telling me how happy he is to see me (as he does with constant cheek rubs and sticking close by) or telling me what went on while I was away. Pets are wonderful things.

So. Here I am, facing tons of work and catch-up, so I should go.

Leah

Israel count-down 13 days!

Words of wisdom

Here is a bit of wisdom (and then I am done blogging for today, really! I have done other things than blog on N's computer today. :-) )

To be nobody but yourself - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.
~ e e cummings

Thanks to Christine at Infinite Pink for this quotation!

My story on film

My friend N is a film maker and a rape survivor (amongst many other talents). She is making a very courageous movie about her experience being acquaitanced-raped while in Israel working with the film industry there. As part of her film, she is interviewing other survivors of rape and sexual violence. Before I came to see her today (the vacation day of my mostly working Thanksgiving vacation) we spoke of the possibility of filming me. She wasn't sure she wanted to use our visiting time that way, but during conversation over bagels, we decided to film.

Basically, I told my story and answered some of her questions about how I have felt supported or alienated by the Jewish community. It was an empowering and healing thing to do. Part of me hope that clips are in the film and part of me doesn't care either way. I appreciate her honoring me and my story by even asking to film me, and if she thinks it would help the film, it will be comforting and encouraging to know that my story helps others - in supporting other survivors or maybe, even help prevent abuse. If I, during my life, help keep one child from being abused, that would be healing and helpful.

N is about to go to Israel to do some filming there, including confronting the man who raped her. Our time in Israel will overlap, and it will be good to see her there. I wish her much courage and strength for the confrontation and for the film itself.

More info on the self titled "Elie Wisel of Incest"

Hi. In talking with N today, who knows a person who used to be the therapist for the Israeli incest survivor I blogged about here, I learned a little bit more about this guy. While I think it is very courageous of him to be so public with his story and to speak out against incest to so many, he apparently is doing something problematic. Apparently, he is teaching people that he knows all there is to know about incest survivorship and that he understands how all of us experience the abuse and the after effects. No one can absolutely know another's experience, and all our experiences as survivors are clearly not the same. I am a little troubled.

Let me be clear. It is great that he is doing work which right now others refuse to do. I just hope that he conveys that just as not every holocaust survivor had the same experience, the same is true for incest survivors. Elie Wisel has become a spokesperson about the Holocaust, but he does not claim to speak for every survivor or to know every experience. For the Mr. Orr (the Israeli incest survivor in the story) to give himself the moniker "Elie Wisel of Incest survivors" is a bit assuming. (I wonder if he even asked Mr. Wisel to use his name?)

[btw - unfortunately, Haaretz seems to have taken the story (now old) off of their server, so if you missed it the first time you can't catch up with it.]

Article

Here is an intersting article on a survivor who speaks out to parents about protecting their children from pedophiles. My one comment is that I can't imagine my abusive father sitting and talking with me about this, since he is the molester, but it is good to work to protect chidren wherever whe can. (Hat tip to Mike who posted this in his forum!)

Quick update

Greetings from the road (thanks, N, for letting me use your computer). I hope all of you survived Thanksgiving well - especially those who had contact with the family of origin. Holidays can be tough.

I am having a good time during my mostly working vacation. Today I am spending Shabbat with N (who is out getting bagels as I type) and then will get back to work tonight. I don't expect to have an internet connection again until Monday night, so keep posting (it was awesome to see so many comments!) and I'll update later.

Wishing you a day of hope, courage and strength,
Your sister survivor,
Leah

Israel count-down = 15 days!

Thanksgiving

Hi. I will be away until Monday for Thanksgiving, so I will likely only sporadically blog. Have a good day and take care of yourself.

On the Michael Jackson Case

Here we go again. A media super star who has defined part of American culture for many people has been arrested (and will soon be charged) for heinous crimes against children. What does our media-saturated star-loving culture do - proclaim him innocent yada yada yada. Doesn't anyone stand up for children? News stories (like this one in the Miami Herald and even this one in the New York Times) continue to give him the "star treatment" rather than looking at the tough issue of child abuse and Jackson's own repeated statements in the documentary done on him last year about sleeping with children. I am just disgusted by how cavalierly people are taking this. Children are being harmed by him and far too many other people in this "great" country of ours. Yuck. But, a star is more important. (Do you hear the sarcasm?)

Unconstitutional Ban on Same-Sex Marriage

Congratulations to everyone effected by the momentus declaration by the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court that the legislative ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional. Many people have been writing about it - so here are a few places you can go for more information: Equal Marriage.org's collection of news stories and legal texts on the case, what my friend Mike (who was married in a Civil Union in VT) has said about it in his blog, more from Mike, Human Rights Campaign, and GLAD.

With pride from your supportive straight sister!

On Blogging and Reading Blogs & the Workplace

Wow! So much has happened in the world this week, and I haven't blogged on it. So, tonight I will try to remedy that in a series of posts.

See below for why I've crossed this stuff out.
Reading this article on blogger sent me to Web Fire Escape which has led me to put one of their green buttons on my blog. (So now you know what that is.) The whole question of the use of the internet at work seems to be a sticky one for some people. I would like to think that many bosses are okay with people obviously surfing or blogging or posting at work as long as the work gets done. But, I'm not surprised that some places (like the clinic where a social worker friend works) are so rigid about it that they don't even let their employees have access to the internet thorugh the corporate network. It'll be interesting to watch this change as the 'net and blogging continue to evolve.

(update at 1:15 am on 11/23) After posting this tonight, I spoke with my friend D who reminded me that all traffic on the web is trackable and that as survivors, we might want to be careful about reading survivor blogs and posting to survivor blogs while on the job if we decide not to share our survivor status with our boses. So, that is why I have left the material above but crossed it out. Let me know what you think.

Midwestern Tuesday

It's a gloomy Tuesday in Midwestern town. I don't feel like I have much to say about my healing today, but I know I haven't posted in a while, so here I am just saying hello.

Wishing you a good day.

A powerful survivor story

My friend N (thank you, girl!) told me about this article about Orr Jordan and his survival of a childhood filled with the horror of incest by his father. Orr Jordan tells his story frequently and helps do the hard and unfortunately all too horrible reality of incest in the world - including the Jewish community and the State of Israel. His courage to speak out has led him to be called the "Elie Wisel of incest."

Read his story and join his efforts to prevent abuse. If you are a survivor, please be aware that the article about him contains some graphic descriptions of the abuse and may be triggering.

Thank you to Haaretz for writing such a story and thanks again to N for letting me know about it.

Wishing you a Sabbath of peace, healing and wholeness,
Leah

Update on painting, dating and travels!

Hello. It feels like a long time since I posted.

On Friday, the friend came over who advised me on paint colors for my apartment. I like her ideas and am looking forward to doing the painting. I will probably start with an easy room like the bathroom, so that I can do painting of a small space and see how it goes before I tackle moving all the furniture and such in the living room and dining room. My plan is to start painting when I get back from my upcoming trips to.... New York and ..... drum roll please....... ISRAEL!!! I have a plan ticket to come to Israel for 2 weeks and I am soooo excited!!

This weekend was the speed dating event I attended. I had a good time and am glad I went. The only problem was the dates who were on my list who didn't show up, but during those periods I chatted with the women around me, walked around and etc. I also exchanged email addresses with a person I met outside of the organized dates of the evening. I'm glad I did it and hope that maybe a fun date or two will come from it.

Well, that's an update so far,
Wishing you a good day,
From your sister survivor.

The positive Power of Work & Painting

When I left for work earlier today, I was feeling a bit down. However, getting home from work a few minutes ago, I feel revived, refreshed and ready to take on the thorough house-cleaning on my agenda for tonight.

Tomorrow, a friend of mine (who is an interior designer) is coming over and before we have dinner together, she is going to advise me on colors I might want to paint my apartment. It should be fun. One of my good friends (and neighbors - nice having him so close by) recently painted his living room a bright and vibrant color, and he has found that it changed the entire flavor of the room. So, I am thinking about doing some painting myself (probably in January after all my travels.)

Have you ever painted and found it changed the feelings of a room or made you less depressed? I'm interested in knowing. Please share.

Your sister survivor, Leah

The dating game again

I am about to get back into the dating game. This coming Saturday night, after Shabbat, I will be attending a local Jewish singles event where everyone has a certain number of short "get-to-know you" dates. Should be interesting. At least it will be a night out.

Dating has been a scary thing for me in the past - abusive relationships and just regular bad relationships which weren't for the right reasons. I think that I have grown and that healing has changed how I am in a relationship. But, I still feel vulnerable putting myself out there - for all the "normal" reasons (appearance, profession, age.....) and also for the survivor issues of safety. Beyond taking a chance and trusting my instincts, do any of you have sage advice?

Your sister survivor, Leah.

Loophole for Incest

Did you know that in most of the states of the US there is a loophole for incest - meaning less penalty when abusers molest their own children than when they molest strangers?! This is sick. Here are two sites with information - Incest Exception Loophole and National Association to Protect Children.

Shabbat Shalom

Just a quick note to say Shabbat shalom (sabbath peace). This week's text from the Torah (bible) is the story of Noah, a story with a number of different points of view and things to focus on - one that D mentioned to me today resonates in terms of what is going on with him and that is the beginning again of the world. Just as the world is created anew after the flood, so to can we recreate our lives.

As a survivor, I know all too well the pain of having to recreate a supportive and loving family of friends and the challenge of dealing with a new understanding of the early part of life. Perhaps reminding myself of the new chance presented by the story of Noah will help.

Jus a thought.

Family Sh#*

First - an update on D and the loss of his dad. I spoke with D this afternoon, and he is doing pretty well - darn well, acutally - taking all the family stuff in stride.

It has been and continues to be (and, I hope always will be) and honor to be a part of D's life. Friends who support each other through it all is a great gift and I treasure all my friends, especially D.

I feel a "but" coming on. Yep. Here it is. Hearing about what is going on with D's family has led me to think about what I would do if tomorrow my "father" were to die. What choices would I make? How would I handle all of my family's garbage and lashing out at me? How would I react to the inevitable accusation that I caused his death (which, of course I will not, if he has consequences from abusing me that is his problem)? (I say this accusation is inevitable, because when I confronted Father and Mother about the abuse, they accused me of trying to kill them. What would I do? I don't know and I won't until I am in the situation - something I hope doesn't happen for a long time. I just hope that I will be able to keep myself safe and sane. Good healing work and good self-care should help. Thanks for letting me share.

May his memory be a blessing

D's dad died during the night. He's been doing well with it all, and is doing his dad and his mom, sister a nice thing by taking care of most of the arrangements. He's been really strong and still seems to be doing some grieving. I think that his grieving will be more open when he is home with his spouse, away from the stress of all the family garbage and game playing. (Which of course is still happening and even escalating at this time.)

In Judaism when someone dies, we pray for a number of things and one of the things we say to each other is "May his memory be a blessing."

Indeed, may D's dad's memory be a blessing to D and family,
Leah

Disfunctional Families and Stress

Hi. I've been thinking a lot over the past few days about stress between members of disfunctional families like mine and my friend D. D's father is dying and with that sadness and that stress, all the "quirks" are coming out and all the old destructive, guilting patterns are rearing their heads. D's handling it very well, seeing and understanding what is going on and trying not to get sucked in while doing what is right for him in respecting his dad during his final days and the coming burial and mourning periods. It is taking much strength from he and his spouse and I applaud them both. I hope that when the time comes for me to face this, that I will have the same amount of courage and fortitude.

A Shabbat of New Beginnings

Hello and an early Shabbat Shalom (the greeting we say to one another on the sabbath, literally means "sabbath peace"). Tonight we begin the Torah (the name for the 1st 5 books of the Bible) reading cycle again. So, on this sabbath we begin with the creation of the world and continue through the strive of humans for knowledge as well as (sadly) news of the first murder. Even though we know the stories well, we read them again and again, coming to the text anew.

I find it refreshing to begin the cycle again, full of hope and the promise of continued healing and growth. So, in that spirit, I wish you a sabbath of hope and healing, whether or not you are Jewish.

Good Morning

Hi. Its a new shiny cool day here in Middle America, and the day is full of hope and sadness. Hope, because the day is beautiful and I've gotten some work done already this morning, and sad because I have to go to a funeral tomorrow for a 50-year-old woman. So sad. Her family is doing okay.

Wishing you a day of hope and courage,
Leah

Doing Better

Hello. Just a quick post to let you know that I am doing better, thanks in large part to all the support I am getting here and at home.Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate it.

Hoping your day has been good as well,
Leah

"Sisterly" Ultimatum

The words have finally been said between my Sister and I - to have any kind of relationship with her I have to return to being "part of the family" like I was before I started seeing (or as they believe, being brainwashed by) my therapist. She actually said that until I can do that she doesn't want to have anything to do with me. Damn! I knew this was probably coming, but it still hurts. She tried all the well-worn tactics the Parents use, like I'm not being a good Jew, that I'm not honoring the parents, that I am a liar and that I have hurt them with my "horrible allegations." I don't know why I'm surprised. I shouldn't be. I'm just sad.

The conversation was precipitated by my telling her that I was politely turning down her Thanksgiving invitation (see this post for the background) to which she replied, well, I know that I'm not important in your life. Unfortunately, I took the bait (writing this down helps me see that bait is what it was) and I tried my best to communicate that I want to be friends with her (something we've never been, sadly) but she wasn't going to hear it. I have to patch things up with my parents for that to happen, which means going back to the idea that they were/are great parents. So sad that she has been manipulated by them into the middle.

Even though I knew this was eventually coming, it still sucks. The abusive Bastard and his damage live on.

I do know and keep telling myself that I am doing what I need to for staying well. Sometimes healthy survivorship and good boundaries aren't fun at all.

Thanks to JW who was there for me when I called after hanging up with Sister, I really appreciate it.

Leah

Another survivor blog

Check out Becca's Journal. {Hat tip to Mike.}

Healing site

Survivor's Art Foundation promotes healing through art work and is currently sponsoring a contest. {Hat tip to The Awareness Center}

Update

Hi. It's a rainy, blustery fall day here in Middle America, a day which seems made for my cold. (By the way, it seems to be getting better although I still don't think I will work tonight.) Actually, part of me likes days like today, days when I bundle up and put on layers. (My landlord has the heat set to go on only after it is about 40 degrees outside, so it is cold in my place.) Bundling up in clothes makes me feel safe. It makes sense, I guess, since my father's abuse was at night when he would take off my clothes before molesting me.

On another note, I am adding something new to the blog later today. (You might have noticed that I added the google search tool yesterday.) The new section I am calling "doing good while online." The idea is connected to the Jewish value of tikkun olam, or repairing the world. There are many websites online where you can make a free donation just by clicking on an icon. Companies sponsor these pages and pay a fraction of a cent per click. So, take a look on the left side of this blog below the blog utilities for a list of places to make no-cost donations. Do good while you are online!

Wishing you a warm day of courage and hope,
Leah

Astounding!

Hi. I'm going to keep this short, as I am not feeling well (just a bad cold), but I find the following link about the $87 billion requested by Bush for Iraq to be astounding. Just what does 87 billion look like? {Hat tip to Jim Hightower. }

Hope your weekend was a good one and a Hag Sameach to all those celebrating Sukkot.
Leah

New Link

Support for survivors who have hearing loss at Deaf Abuse Women's Network. {Hat tip to the The Awareness Center.}