A Taste of My New Family

JE and I recently travelled south to spend some time with his mom.  While this was the third time that I spent time with her, it was my first time in her home.  She's a lovely and gracious hostess, throwing a party for us so that her friends could meet us, making sure that we got to meet/see family, treating us to dinners out and in her home, and sharing her love with both of us.

I am overwhelmed with her generosity, love and care.  She continues to welcome me into the family with open arms and an open heart.  Once during the trip she called me her future daughter-in-law and the next day called me her daughter-in-law and even daughter. I'm glad that she sees me as a family member even though it isn't official yet.  The day before leaving I asked her if I could call her Ma.  She cried while saying yes.

It feels nice to be building a relationship with a positive mother figure. I feel lucky to have her in my life and am glad that JE has a close relationship with her.  (But am thankful that he isn't a mamas boy in the negative sense of the term.)

Thanks for letting me share.
Your sister survivor/thriver,
Leah

To Everything Turn, Turn, Turn....

Last time I posted, I shared my relationship with DL.  It continues to go well.  I find myself growing in unexpected ways, dealing with old wounds in new ways and, surprisingly, facing changes in my relationship with my parents.  I've been talking with them more lately, sharing more of my life with them.  Yes, I'm still protective of what I share and how much I let them in, but I'm risking a bit more lately.  It feels good, and I hope that I am not getting my hopes up too high.

Your sister survivor Thriver,
Leah

Survivorship, Friendship and Healing

I never expected that the things that are helping me recover from the abuse may help a cancer survivor.

A friend of mine is battling breast cancer.   She is in the midst of her second round of chemo and has radiation and then reconstructive surgery to go.  In the midst of her cancer fight, she has been faced with problems with her children.  The kids are young adults who can't/aren't able to help their mom (even emotionally.)  She's really been struggling with this.  She knows my story, including the years that I barely spoke with my parents.  She asked me about the decision, what it was like and what it has been like to be able to reconnect with them.  What I didn't expect was that some of the tools I used to handle triggers, conversations and interactions with my family would help her.  

This weekend over coffee my friend told me about an article she read.  In the article an incest survivor who was a competitive diver told of taking back her power by screaming "no more" while at the bottom of a dive pool.  She came up for air strengthened and determined to survive and thrive.  I don't know the name of the article or the name of the diver.  My heart and inner chile cheered for that girl.

May we find strength, courage, healing and hope.

Death is Never Easy

A friend and colleague's father recently died.  He had the blessing and challenge of spending the last week of his father's life by his side.  He (and his wife and children) was there when his father took his last breath.

What is painful?  His sister couldn't be there.  It was just too hard for her.  She was unable to make the long (physically and emotionally) trip to be with her dad before or after his death.  My friend is both angry with his sister and feels badly for her.

So you may be thinking that she couldn't be there because her father abused her (this is, after all a blog about surviving abuse) and that he wasn't willing to accept responsibility.  Not exactly.  Yes, unfortunately, she was abused.  No one deserves that. No one.  At any age.  For any "reason."  She was abused by a family member, not her father, not her brother, not her grandparents....  Her father was not her abuser.  Yet, it seems that to her he is inexorably connected to her abuse.  Her father and brother do not deny that the abuse happened.  They accept what she says.  (Something for which I yearn but I have learned to let go of that expectation.)

I feel badly for her.  I feel badly for her brother (my friend) and for her (late) father.

I feel conflicted...because I understand the pain of abuse...the way it can impact all interactions with family...how it can take over your life.  Yet, I see too her brother's pain, his wish that she could be present.

Life isn't easy nor simple.  This is, however, a new scenario that remains on my mind.

What do you think?