Saturday, November 29, 2003

Words of wisdom

Here is a bit of wisdom (and then I am done blogging for today, really! I have done other things than blog on N's computer today. :-) )

To be nobody but yourself - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.
~ e e cummings

Thanks to Christine at Infinite Pink for this quotation!

My story on film

My friend N is a film maker and a rape survivor (amongst many other talents). She is making a very courageous movie about her experience being acquaitanced-raped while in Israel working with the film industry there. As part of her film, she is interviewing other survivors of rape and sexual violence. Before I came to see her today (the vacation day of my mostly working Thanksgiving vacation) we spoke of the possibility of filming me. She wasn't sure she wanted to use our visiting time that way, but during conversation over bagels, we decided to film.

Basically, I told my story and answered some of her questions about how I have felt supported or alienated by the Jewish community. It was an empowering and healing thing to do. Part of me hope that clips are in the film and part of me doesn't care either way. I appreciate her honoring me and my story by even asking to film me, and if she thinks it would help the film, it will be comforting and encouraging to know that my story helps others - in supporting other survivors or maybe, even help prevent abuse. If I, during my life, help keep one child from being abused, that would be healing and helpful.

N is about to go to Israel to do some filming there, including confronting the man who raped her. Our time in Israel will overlap, and it will be good to see her there. I wish her much courage and strength for the confrontation and for the film itself.

More info on the self titled "Elie Wisel of Incest"

Hi. In talking with N today, who knows a person who used to be the therapist for the Israeli incest survivor I blogged about here, I learned a little bit more about this guy. While I think it is very courageous of him to be so public with his story and to speak out against incest to so many, he apparently is doing something problematic. Apparently, he is teaching people that he knows all there is to know about incest survivorship and that he understands how all of us experience the abuse and the after effects. No one can absolutely know another's experience, and all our experiences as survivors are clearly not the same. I am a little troubled.

Let me be clear. It is great that he is doing work which right now others refuse to do. I just hope that he conveys that just as not every holocaust survivor had the same experience, the same is true for incest survivors. Elie Wisel has become a spokesperson about the Holocaust, but he does not claim to speak for every survivor or to know every experience. For the Mr. Orr (the Israeli incest survivor in the story) to give himself the moniker "Elie Wisel of Incest survivors" is a bit assuming. (I wonder if he even asked Mr. Wisel to use his name?)

[btw - unfortunately, Haaretz seems to have taken the story (now old) off of their server, so if you missed it the first time you can't catch up with it.]

Article

Here is an intersting article on a survivor who speaks out to parents about protecting their children from pedophiles. My one comment is that I can't imagine my abusive father sitting and talking with me about this, since he is the molester, but it is good to work to protect chidren wherever whe can. (Hat tip to Mike who posted this in his forum!)

Quick update

Greetings from the road (thanks, N, for letting me use your computer). I hope all of you survived Thanksgiving well - especially those who had contact with the family of origin. Holidays can be tough.

I am having a good time during my mostly working vacation. Today I am spending Shabbat with N (who is out getting bagels as I type) and then will get back to work tonight. I don't expect to have an internet connection again until Monday night, so keep posting (it was awesome to see so many comments!) and I'll update later.

Wishing you a day of hope, courage and strength,
Your sister survivor,
Leah

Israel count-down = 15 days!

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Thanksgiving

Hi. I will be away until Monday for Thanksgiving, so I will likely only sporadically blog. Have a good day and take care of yourself.

Saturday, November 22, 2003

On the Michael Jackson Case

Here we go again. A media super star who has defined part of American culture for many people has been arrested (and will soon be charged) for heinous crimes against children. What does our media-saturated star-loving culture do - proclaim him innocent yada yada yada. Doesn't anyone stand up for children? News stories (like this one in the Miami Herald and even this one in the New York Times) continue to give him the "star treatment" rather than looking at the tough issue of child abuse and Jackson's own repeated statements in the documentary done on him last year about sleeping with children. I am just disgusted by how cavalierly people are taking this. Children are being harmed by him and far too many other people in this "great" country of ours. Yuck. But, a star is more important. (Do you hear the sarcasm?)

Unconstitutional Ban on Same-Sex Marriage

Congratulations to everyone effected by the momentus declaration by the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court that the legislative ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional. Many people have been writing about it - so here are a few places you can go for more information: Equal Marriage.org's collection of news stories and legal texts on the case, what my friend Mike (who was married in a Civil Union in VT) has said about it in his blog, more from Mike, Human Rights Campaign, and GLAD.

With pride from your supportive straight sister!

On Blogging and Reading Blogs & the Workplace

Wow! So much has happened in the world this week, and I haven't blogged on it. So, tonight I will try to remedy that in a series of posts.

See below for why I've crossed this stuff out.
Reading this article on blogger sent me to Web Fire Escape which has led me to put one of their green buttons on my blog. (So now you know what that is.) The whole question of the use of the internet at work seems to be a sticky one for some people. I would like to think that many bosses are okay with people obviously surfing or blogging or posting at work as long as the work gets done. But, I'm not surprised that some places (like the clinic where a social worker friend works) are so rigid about it that they don't even let their employees have access to the internet thorugh the corporate network. It'll be interesting to watch this change as the 'net and blogging continue to evolve.

(update at 1:15 am on 11/23) After posting this tonight, I spoke with my friend D who reminded me that all traffic on the web is trackable and that as survivors, we might want to be careful about reading survivor blogs and posting to survivor blogs while on the job if we decide not to share our survivor status with our boses. So, that is why I have left the material above but crossed it out. Let me know what you think.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Midwestern Tuesday

It's a gloomy Tuesday in Midwestern town. I don't feel like I have much to say about my healing today, but I know I haven't posted in a while, so here I am just saying hello.

Wishing you a good day.

Friday, November 14, 2003

A powerful survivor story

My friend N (thank you, girl!) told me about this article about Orr Jordan and his survival of a childhood filled with the horror of incest by his father. Orr Jordan tells his story frequently and helps do the hard and unfortunately all too horrible reality of incest in the world - including the Jewish community and the State of Israel. His courage to speak out has led him to be called the "Elie Wisel of incest."

Read his story and join his efforts to prevent abuse. If you are a survivor, please be aware that the article about him contains some graphic descriptions of the abuse and may be triggering.

Thank you to Haaretz for writing such a story and thanks again to N for letting me know about it.

Wishing you a Sabbath of peace, healing and wholeness,
Leah

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

Update on painting, dating and travels!

Hello. It feels like a long time since I posted.

On Friday, the friend came over who advised me on paint colors for my apartment. I like her ideas and am looking forward to doing the painting. I will probably start with an easy room like the bathroom, so that I can do painting of a small space and see how it goes before I tackle moving all the furniture and such in the living room and dining room. My plan is to start painting when I get back from my upcoming trips to.... New York and ..... drum roll please....... ISRAEL!!! I have a plan ticket to come to Israel for 2 weeks and I am soooo excited!!

This weekend was the speed dating event I attended. I had a good time and am glad I went. The only problem was the dates who were on my list who didn't show up, but during those periods I chatted with the women around me, walked around and etc. I also exchanged email addresses with a person I met outside of the organized dates of the evening. I'm glad I did it and hope that maybe a fun date or two will come from it.

Well, that's an update so far,
Wishing you a good day,
From your sister survivor.

Thursday, November 06, 2003

The positive Power of Work & Painting

When I left for work earlier today, I was feeling a bit down. However, getting home from work a few minutes ago, I feel revived, refreshed and ready to take on the thorough house-cleaning on my agenda for tonight.

Tomorrow, a friend of mine (who is an interior designer) is coming over and before we have dinner together, she is going to advise me on colors I might want to paint my apartment. It should be fun. One of my good friends (and neighbors - nice having him so close by) recently painted his living room a bright and vibrant color, and he has found that it changed the entire flavor of the room. So, I am thinking about doing some painting myself (probably in January after all my travels.)

Have you ever painted and found it changed the feelings of a room or made you less depressed? I'm interested in knowing. Please share.

Your sister survivor, Leah

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

The dating game again

I am about to get back into the dating game. This coming Saturday night, after Shabbat, I will be attending a local Jewish singles event where everyone has a certain number of short "get-to-know you" dates. Should be interesting. At least it will be a night out.

Dating has been a scary thing for me in the past - abusive relationships and just regular bad relationships which weren't for the right reasons. I think that I have grown and that healing has changed how I am in a relationship. But, I still feel vulnerable putting myself out there - for all the "normal" reasons (appearance, profession, age.....) and also for the survivor issues of safety. Beyond taking a chance and trusting my instincts, do any of you have sage advice?

Your sister survivor, Leah.

Sunday, November 02, 2003

Loophole for Incest

Did you know that in most of the states of the US there is a loophole for incest - meaning less penalty when abusers molest their own children than when they molest strangers?! This is sick. Here are two sites with information - Incest Exception Loophole and National Association to Protect Children.

Saturday, November 01, 2003

Shabbat Shalom

Just a quick note to say Shabbat shalom (sabbath peace). This week's text from the Torah (bible) is the story of Noah, a story with a number of different points of view and things to focus on - one that D mentioned to me today resonates in terms of what is going on with him and that is the beginning again of the world. Just as the world is created anew after the flood, so to can we recreate our lives.

As a survivor, I know all too well the pain of having to recreate a supportive and loving family of friends and the challenge of dealing with a new understanding of the early part of life. Perhaps reminding myself of the new chance presented by the story of Noah will help.

Jus a thought.