Back Again

Once again, I've come back to this blog as part of a way of circling around again on my healing.

Since I last posted, we've had a little one.  I'll call the kiddo "T" here.  J and I couldn't be more thrilled to be parents.  Our journey to parenthood was relatively easy, considering our age and some biological challenges.  We don't take our ability to parent lightly and know that we are fortunate in more ways than we can count.

The blessings of parenting come with challenges for everyone.  I know that my challenges/struggles are not only the typical, but are connected to being a survivor.  My dad began abusing me when I was two years old, T's current age.   While I can't specifically identify ways that this is impacting me and my parenting now that it wasn't when T was born, I'm aware that there is likely an impact.  What do you think? What advice can you share?

Thanks for reading after so much time away.

Your sister survivor,
Leah

Death is Never Easy

A friend and colleague's father recently died.  He had the blessing and challenge of spending the last week of his father's life by his side.  He (and his wife and children) was there when his father took his last breath.

What is painful?  His sister couldn't be there.  It was just too hard for her.  She was unable to make the long (physically and emotionally) trip to be with her dad before or after his death.  My friend is both angry with his sister and feels badly for her.

So you may be thinking that she couldn't be there because her father abused her (this is, after all a blog about surviving abuse) and that he wasn't willing to accept responsibility.  Not exactly.  Yes, unfortunately, she was abused.  No one deserves that. No one.  At any age.  For any "reason."  She was abused by a family member, not her father, not her brother, not her grandparents....  Her father was not her abuser.  Yet, it seems that to her he is inexorably connected to her abuse.  Her father and brother do not deny that the abuse happened.  They accept what she says.  (Something for which I yearn but I have learned to let go of that expectation.)

I feel badly for her.  I feel badly for her brother (my friend) and for her (late) father.

I feel conflicted...because I understand the pain of abuse...the way it can impact all interactions with family...how it can take over your life.  Yet, I see too her brother's pain, his wish that she could be present.

Life isn't easy nor simple.  This is, however, a new scenario that remains on my mind.

What do you think?

Blog Carnival for Child Abuse Prevention Month

Mike of the Child Abuse Suvivor site is hosting this year's Blog Carnival for Child Abuse Prevention Month.  Surf over there, check it out and think about what you can do to help prevent Child Abuse.  [hat tip to Survivors Can Thrive]