A friend and colleague's father recently died. He had the blessing and challenge of spending the last week of his father's life by his side. He (and his wife and children) was there when his father took his last breath.
What is painful? His sister couldn't be there. It was just too hard for her. She was unable to make the long (physically and emotionally) trip to be with her dad before or after his death. My friend is both angry with his sister and feels badly for her.
So you may be thinking that she couldn't be there because her father abused her (this is, after all a blog about surviving abuse) and that he wasn't willing to accept responsibility. Not exactly. Yes, unfortunately, she was abused. No one deserves that. No one. At any age. For any "reason." She was abused by a family member, not her father, not her brother, not her grandparents.... Her father was not her abuser. Yet, it seems that to her he is inexorably connected to her abuse. Her father and brother do not deny that the abuse happened. They accept what she says. (Something for which I yearn but I have learned to let go of that expectation.)
I feel badly for her. I feel badly for her brother (my friend) and for her (late) father.
I feel conflicted...because I understand the pain of abuse...the way it can impact all interactions with family...how it can take over your life. Yet, I see too her brother's pain, his wish that she could be present.
Life isn't easy nor simple. This is, however, a new scenario that remains on my mind.
What do you think?
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