Sunday, October 17, 2010

Death is Never Easy

A friend and colleague's father recently died.  He had the blessing and challenge of spending the last week of his father's life by his side.  He (and his wife and children) was there when his father took his last breath.

What is painful?  His sister couldn't be there.  It was just too hard for her.  She was unable to make the long (physically and emotionally) trip to be with her dad before or after his death.  My friend is both angry with his sister and feels badly for her.

So you may be thinking that she couldn't be there because her father abused her (this is, after all a blog about surviving abuse) and that he wasn't willing to accept responsibility.  Not exactly.  Yes, unfortunately, she was abused.  No one deserves that. No one.  At any age.  For any "reason."  She was abused by a family member, not her father, not her brother, not her grandparents....  Her father was not her abuser.  Yet, it seems that to her he is inexorably connected to her abuse.  Her father and brother do not deny that the abuse happened.  They accept what she says.  (Something for which I yearn but I have learned to let go of that expectation.)

I feel badly for her.  I feel badly for her brother (my friend) and for her (late) father.

I feel conflicted...because I understand the pain of abuse...the way it can impact all interactions with family...how it can take over your life.  Yet, I see too her brother's pain, his wish that she could be present.

Life isn't easy nor simple.  This is, however, a new scenario that remains on my mind.

What do you think?

1 comment:

kold_kadavr_ flatliner said...

High, Leah, Princess of Star Wars, as you shall be soon (doesnt matter if you're a Joo - Im a Roamin' Cat; Only One God exists and it aint the demon ISIS profess to worship)...

Good thing you're speeking of your abuse... which I have puh-lenty of: not sexual abuse (my parents would have none of that, but constant verbal abuse from my sis which my parents did AB-SOL-U-TELY nthn for nearly 20 years. And my Pop was a psychologist/psychiatrist!!!!! Didnt wanna bring his work home with him. Go figure. Now, with my head injury, my sis again wont have anything to do withis D.O.A.-low-life (she wanted to be the only child and, when I stuck my head outta the womb, she sed, and I quote, 'no, we dont need him'.

C'est la vie. This, too, shall pass-away. We live, we learn. Thank God He'll explain our abuse when we git thar. Until then, just know I love you passionately and I cannot wait to kiss your feets because like ol Abraham sed, as he took his son to the mountain to sacrifice, 'whatever You will is what I will'.

God bless your indelible soul, dear.
Lookin4word to dancing with you, ya beautifull, magnificent, adorable mature woman (cuzz ya know the Jewish race was favored by Almighty God, thus, He makes'm outstandingly gorgeous).