Welcome! This is a personal blog where I reflect on life, Judaism and my healing from an abusive childhood (including incest and other forms of abuse) and a bit of politics. If you are a victim/ survivor/ thriver, or a friend/ significant other/ spouse/ partner of one, or if you are looking for more information, read and comment below. I began this blog in June of 2003 when I was looking for a place to speak out and I found a community of friends and support. Come on in, ya'll.
Hey, I'm Ani. I wanted to let you know that I've added a link to your site onto the side bar of my own. As a survivor I'm trying to connect with as many other survivors as I can, such as yourself. My main blog is at http://withdissonance.net if you want to check it out. If its okay with you, could I add a link to your blog there also? If you'd like you can add a link to either of my blogs here. Thanks so much.
"I think" is a pretty lame claim and then sign your name "anonymous". That's sad, it's bad enough that it happens for certain, but to 'think' it did, is sad to say the least.
Morris Conklin is my name and I categorically deny the false accusations posted by "anonymous". (I know who that is.) This person poses as a Christian but just doesn't have the real credentials. The Assemblies of God looked into this person's accusations and I -- Morris Conklin -- was cleared of all accusations by (unanimous) vote of the executive presbytery (about 20 AG leaders) in March 2008. I have suffered long with these anonymous lies and I call those who spew them to come into the light of real scrutiny and sign their names to their lying posts, for I have legal remedies available when they do.
Could "I think" be referring to the religion of Morris Conklin? I read it that way. If I were guilty of the crime I would probably read it the other way. Just a thought.
Forgiving is NOT tolerance Forgive me and you heal yourself. Tolerate everything I do and you are in for a lot of trouble. You can forgive someone almost anything. But you cannot tolerate everything.
Whenever people try to live or work together, they have to decide on the sorts of things they will put up with.
Every group has to decide what it will put up with and what it cannot tolerate. But what we need to remember is this: we don't have to tolerate what people do just because we forgive them for doing it. Forgiving heals us personally. To tolerate everything only hurts us all in the long run.
Forgiving is NOT excusing Excusing is just the opposite of forgiving. We excuse people when we understand that they were NOT to blame.
Forgiving is tough. Excusing is easy. What a mistake it is to confuse forgiving with being mushy, soft, gutless, and oh, so understanding. Before we forgive, we stiffen our spine and we hold a person accountable. And only then, in tough-minded judgment, can we do the outrageously impossible thing: we can forgive.
Forgiving is NOT smothering conflict Some people hinder the hard work of forgiving by smothering confrontation.
Some parents are dedicated to smothering conflict. They shush us and soothe us and assure us that whatever makes us mad is not worth raising a fuss about. They get between us and the rotten kid who did us wrong, always protecting, always pinning down the arms of our rage, forever pacifying. Their "now thens" and "there theres" keep us from ever unloading our anger and from ever forgiving. They say, "Forgive and forget," but what they mean is: "Don't make a fuss, I can't stand the noise."
Quieting troubled waters is not the same as rescuing drowning people, and smothering conflict is not the same as helping people to forgive each other.
Forgiving is NOT forgetting When we forgive someone, we do not forget the hurtful act, as if forgetting came along with the forgiveness package, the way strings come with a violin.
If you forget, you will not forgive at all. You can never forgive people for things you have forgotten about. You need to forgive precisely because you have not forgotten what someone did; your memory keeps the [emontional] pain alive long after the actual hurt has stopped [passed].
Forgetting, in fact, may be a dangerous way to escape the inner surgery of the heart that we call forgiving. There are two kinds of pain that we forget. We forget hurts too trivial to bother about. We forget pains too horrible for our memory to manage.
Once we have forgiven, however, we get a new freedom to forget. This time forgetting is a sign of health; it is not a trick to avoid spiritual surgery. We can forget because we have been healed.
But even if it is easier to forget after we forgive, we should not make forgetting a test of our forgiving. The test of forgiving lies with healing the lingering pain of the past, not with forgetting that the past ever happened.
The really important thing is that we have the power to forgive what we still do remember.
Accepting people is NOT forgiving them Accepting a person can feel a lot like forgiving. But it is not the same.
We accept [or reject] people because of the good [or bad] people they are for [to] us. We forgive people for the bad things they did to us.
"But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God--having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them." 2 Timothy 3:1-5.
6 comments:
Hey, I'm Ani. I wanted to let you know that I've added a link to your site onto the side bar of my own. As a survivor I'm trying to connect with as many other survivors as I can, such as yourself. My main blog is at http://withdissonance.net if you want to check it out. If its okay with you, could I add a link to your blog there also? If you'd like you can add a link to either of my blogs here. Thanks so much.
~ Ani
morris conklin with assembly of gods i think, also molests young girls. i heard he's being investigated.
"I think" is a pretty lame claim and then sign your name "anonymous". That's sad, it's bad enough that it happens for certain, but to 'think' it did, is sad to say the least.
Morris Conklin is my name and I categorically deny the false accusations posted by "anonymous". (I know who that is.) This person poses as a Christian but just doesn't have the real credentials. The Assemblies of God looked into this person's accusations and I -- Morris Conklin -- was cleared of all accusations by (unanimous) vote of the executive presbytery (about 20 AG leaders) in March 2008. I have suffered long with these anonymous lies and I call those who spew them to come into the light of real scrutiny and sign their names to their lying posts, for I have legal remedies available when they do.
Could "I think" be referring to the religion of Morris Conklin? I read it that way. If I were guilty of the crime I would probably read it the other way. Just a thought.
Forgiving is NOT tolerance
Forgive me and you heal yourself. Tolerate everything I do and you are in for a lot of trouble. You can forgive someone almost anything. But you cannot tolerate everything.
Whenever people try to live or work together, they have to decide on the sorts of things they will put up with.
Every group has to decide what it will put up with and what it cannot tolerate. But what we need to remember is this: we don't have to tolerate what people do just because we forgive them for doing it. Forgiving heals us personally. To tolerate everything only hurts us all in the long run.
Forgiving is NOT excusing
Excusing is just the opposite of forgiving. We excuse people when we understand that they were NOT to blame.
Forgiving is tough. Excusing is easy. What a mistake it is to confuse forgiving with being mushy, soft, gutless, and oh, so understanding. Before we forgive, we stiffen our spine and we hold a person accountable. And only then, in tough-minded judgment, can we do the outrageously impossible thing: we can forgive.
Forgiving is NOT smothering conflict
Some people hinder the hard work of forgiving by smothering confrontation.
Some parents are dedicated to smothering conflict. They shush us and soothe us and assure us that whatever makes us mad is not worth raising a fuss about. They get between us and the rotten kid who did us wrong, always protecting, always pinning down the arms of our rage, forever pacifying. Their "now thens" and "there theres" keep us from ever unloading our anger and from ever forgiving. They say, "Forgive and forget," but what they mean is: "Don't make a fuss, I can't stand the noise."
Quieting troubled waters is not the same as rescuing drowning people, and smothering conflict is not the same as helping people to forgive each other.
Forgiving is NOT forgetting
When we forgive someone, we do not forget the hurtful act, as if forgetting came along with the forgiveness package, the way strings come with a violin.
If you forget, you will not forgive at all. You can never forgive people for things you have forgotten about. You need to forgive precisely because you have not forgotten what someone did; your memory keeps the [emontional] pain alive long after the actual hurt has stopped [passed].
Forgetting, in fact, may be a dangerous way to escape the inner surgery of the heart that we call forgiving. There are two kinds of pain that we forget. We forget hurts too trivial to bother about. We forget pains too horrible for our memory to manage.
Once we have forgiven, however, we get a new freedom to forget. This time forgetting is a sign of health; it is not a trick to avoid spiritual surgery. We can forget because we have been healed.
But even if it is easier to forget after we forgive, we should not make forgetting a test of our forgiving. The test of forgiving lies with healing the lingering pain of the past, not with forgetting that the past ever happened.
The really important thing is that we have the power to forgive what we still do remember.
Accepting people is NOT forgiving them
Accepting a person can feel a lot like forgiving. But it is not the same.
We accept [or reject] people because of the good [or bad] people they are for [to] us. We forgive people for the bad things they did to us.
"But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God--having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them." 2 Timothy 3:1-5.
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