Grief and Survivorship, My "Mom" E - part 3

My fingers stroke the keys as I sit outside of a local cafe on this amazing spring day - the temperature is in the mid 60s, a breeze blows and I am surrounded by an early-sunset gleaming sky. Behind me a group converses, laughter trickling through serious conversation. Runners stride by with their dogs or their ipods, families stroll, pushing kids in a stroller. The cafe's owner's child plays with friends as his mom brings him to visit dad before dinner. Glory be. What a great day. This is the kind of day E loved. (May her memory be a blessing.) She loved cafes, people watching, spring weather, good conversation, great literature in many languages (she spoke English, Polish and French fluently as well as a bit of Yiddish and Hebrew) and social justice work.

E's presence is often with me. I think of her in the little moments and the bigger ones. Sunday night, watching, laughing and crying at the Vagina Monologues I thought of her often. It was the kind of show she would have liked - feminist, affirming, supportive, activist and consciousness raising. One of the women in the front row was from the local Red Hat Society (a group of 65-year-old and older women - connected to the poem "When I am an Old Woman, I Shall Wear Purple"), and when I said hello to her, I felt Elizabeth with me. She would have enjoyed being a part of the Red Hats.

On days when I struggle, on days when the couch and t.v. is tempting, I try to think of her and her encouraging words, her love and her support. They help me fight my inner self-defeatist side (which damn my f_ing abusive father, is still a part of me). I am grateful for her life and her love.

Writing these entries about her has been helpful. I hope that if/when you have the patience to read them, you get a glimpse into a beautiful life and think of those who add love and beauty to your life. May all those in our lives who add joy, beauty and love do so for many many years to come; and when they leave us, may we find strength, tears, hope and love from our time with them.