Leah's Life

Abuse in the Military - "The Invisible War"

2012-01-02T20:28:00.001-05:00

A groundbreaking and important film called "The Invisible War" will be shown at this year's Sundance Film Festival on January 20th. The film examines the underreported epidemic of sexual assault in our US Military. Based on my time in the military, I believe it. "It is estimated that up to 30% of women who serve in the U.S. Military have been raped by a fellow soldier. Only 8% of these rapes are reported (so we can assume that the numbers are much higher). Only 2% of reported rapes receive convictions"

You can learn more about the movie and contribute your own story on Twitter @Invisible_War and Facebook.com/InvisibleWarMovie. You can also go to the Where is Your Line site on The Invisible War, Nancy Schwartzmann of The Line is the movie's Campaign and Advocacy Director.

A Taste of My New Family

2011-12-30T01:49:00.001-05:00

JE and I recently travelled south to spend some time with his mom. While this was the third time that I spent time with her, it was my first time in her home. She's a lovely and gracious hostess, throwing a party for us so that her friends could meet us, making sure that we got to meet/see family, treating us to dinners out and in her home, and sharing her love with both of us.

I am overwhelmed with her generosity, love and care. She continues to welcome me into the family with open arms and an open heart. Once during the trip she called me her future daughter-in-law and the next day called me her daughter-in-law and even daughter. I'm glad that she sees me as a family member even though it isn't official yet. The day before leaving I asked her if I could call her Ma. She cried while saying yes.

It feels nice to be building a relationship with a positive mother figure. I feel lucky to have her in my life and am glad that JE has a close relationship with her. (But am thankful that he isn't a mamas boy in the negative sense of the term.)

Thanks for letting me share.
Your sister survivor/thriver,
Leah

Need Your Advice as I Plan My Wedding

2011-11-22T19:21:00.001-05:00

The wedding planning has begun. We have a date, location, officiants and have begun many of the other items on the "to do" list. When we told my parents, they were supportive and excited for us. I wasn't completely surprised because our communication has been better, more respectful and more patient lately. Not all smooth sailing (what parent relationship is even before factoring abusiveness), but not a nightmare either.

A bit of background; so far I am planning to have my parents at the wedding. I haven't decided yet what ritual roles they will be invited to participate in. Right now, I don't feel a need to exclude them, nor do I want to make it obvious that I am limiting their role. Those of my family and friends who know the history will understand what is happening and those who don't won't. The day should be about J and I, not about "protecting" myself from my parents. I plan to ask two friends to be on "parent patrol" - prepared to intervene and step in if necessary. (One has already volunteered to do so.)

So, here is my question. How have you navigated having abusers/parents at a wedding/important family event? I am confident that I (with help of my fiance and friends) feel safe and focused on the really important things that day. It is the process of figuring out what I am comfortable with that I am less sure about. For example, my finace would like a mother/son dance. I don't particularly want to do father/daughter dance with my dad. My fiance's father is deceased, so that isn't an option. Should I just not dance when J dances with his mom? I don't really want to keep him from dancing with his mom. Should I ask a friend to be my dance partner? Won't that make things stick out to everyone? Should I just pick a short song and dance with my dad, keeping a nice proper dance distance from each other? I am at the stage of processing, exploring and trying to figure out what feels right. It would help me to know how other survivors have handled it.

Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for sharing your ideas.

Your sister thriver,

Leah

Engaged!

2011-11-16T22:34:00.001-05:00

I got a wonderful surprise recently - a marriage proposal. J, the man I've been dating, asked me to marry him. He asked in a windeful, surprising and joyful way that fit us. Now the planning begins. We chose to tell our family, including my parents and sister. So far, so good (mostly), only one stressful phone call about family stuff. Should be interesting. I hope that we don't regret the decision to involve my parents. They have hurt me before, so I am skeptically optomistic.

Thanks for letting me share,
Your sister survivor,
Leah

NaBloPoMo Blog Het theme for 11/4

2011-11-04T13:34:00.001-04:00

Thanks to Blog Her for the daily writing prompt. Today's prompt asks about the tools we use when writing. I write and post St the computer. I've kept handwritten journals in the past, but I find myself typing more often then not. At the same time, there is something more intimate and personal about handwriting.

Apps Against Abuse Contest Winner!!!

2011-11-02T08:36:00.001-04:00

Yesterday, Vice President Biden announced that one of the winners of the Apps Against Abuse contest is Circle of 6, an app developed by Nancy Schwartzmann of The Line Campaign @thelinecampaign and a team of other activists. Way to go Nancy and colleagues! Take a look at the app at Circle of 6. Read a Chronicle for Higher Ed blog post about the contest.

It is always great to see activism and collaboration improve our world!

To Everything Turn, Turn, Turn....

2011-11-01T21:40:00.001-04:00

Last time I posted, I shared my relationship with DL. It continues to go well. I find myself growing in unexpected ways, dealing with old wounds in new ways and, surprisingly, facing changes in my relationship with my parents. I've been talking with them more lately, sharing more of my life with them. Yes, I'm still protective of what I share and how much I let them in, but I'm risking a bit more lately. It feels good, and I hope that I am not getting my hopes up too high.

Your sister survivor Thriver,
Leah

Beautiful Surprise a Year Ago

2011-08-31T22:19:00.000-04:00

I couldn't have imagined some of the things that happened during this past year. I had not a clue they were coming. Not a hint.

A year ago tonight I met a friend and her husband for what I was told were drinks and the chance to meet a new person in town who worked with the friend. She had called me about a week before and said, "hey we have a new person at work who doesn't know anyone. Will you meet him so that he knows other Jewish people in town?"

Little did I know that when I sat down at that table that a friendship would start that would blossom into a relationship and into being head over heals in love. Now I can't imagine my life without DL (is it too sappy to call him DL for dear love?) We speak and/or see each other every day. My day starts with a good morning phone call and often ends with a good night phone call. Yes, we are pathetic (in a good way.)

I had no idea this was coming - not.one.clue - as I wrote earlier in this post. I had come to a place in my life where I knew that I could be happy and whole as a single person blessed with great friends. And then, surprise surprise, DL becomes a part of my life.

Today we began the month of Elul, a month of reflection and preparation for the coming New Year. It seems fitting and appropriate that today is also the anniversary of the day we met.

I pray that the year to come is filled with strength, hope, love, courage, healing and good surprises for each of us.

Your sister thriver,
Leah

More on My Mom - Update

2011-05-30T14:59:00.000-04:00

A couple of months ago I wrote a post about the complicated and sad relationship that I have with my mother. Thanks again to all of you who commented and shared your own stories, they helped.

So - - the update. Someone helped me come up with the idea that we have a mother/daughter book discussion to try to be able to talk with each other and build a bit of a relationship. (My mom and I both love to read.) So, I talked with her about it and let her pick the first book. I've read the book and we should be able to have an interesting discussion about it when my mom is ready. I hope that she follows through, reads the book and asks for a time to talk about it. I hope that she doesn't disappoint me again.

From your hopeful sister survivor thriver,

Leah

Joy!

2011-03-12T23:02:00.000-05:00

Who was it that said "joy cometh in the morning?" These days I feel like a new person and that a new day has dawned. I'm in a new relationship with all of the excitement that it brings.

I feel so safe and comfortable with this person. When I shared my family issues he responded with such kindness and sincerity. We have shared a lot with each other, building on 6 months of friendship as we now date. I can't wait to see where this goes.

Your sister thriver,

Leah

Mom - A Complicated Word...Complicated Relationship...A Request for Advice

2011-02-28T23:23:00.000-05:00

I've been dealing with being abused for many years. I've done some healing about the abuse. I think that I'm in an okay place regarding my father. I'm angry with him and I know that it is okay to be angry with him, to blame him and to place the shame of the abuse where it belongs - - on him. (As simple as it sounds, it took me years to get here.)

Things are more complicated when I think about my mother. Why? Well, in many ways she failed me as a mother. She didn't protect me. She didn't stop my father. Yet, it isn't that simple because she too is abused by my father. Throughout the time I was growing up in my parents' house my father emotionally abused my mother, belittled her family, belittled her dreams, belittled her accomplishments and worst of all routinely sexually abused her in front of me and my sister (and even my friends! when they were at the house). So, the part of me that knows that she is a victim, that she is depressed and that she too is stuck feels sorry for her. How can I blame her? Yet, I'm her little girl and she didn't protect me. How could she not protect her little girl? I feel protective of my friends' kids, of my students, of kids in the neighborhood. How much more the maternal instinct must be. Why didn't she protect me? So thus it is complicated.

To my sister and brother survivors and thrivers - - if this resonates with you what advice do you have for me? If your situation is similar how do you handle it? Thanks in advance for your comments.

Back to...Life....Back to....Therapy

2011-02-17T21:47:00.000-05:00

The realization crept up on me, slowly, like an old acquaintance. I recognized its presence yet didn't engage. Finally, I decided to pay attention. It was time to go back to therapy. So, I found a new therapist - with the help of some people I trust - and have had 3 sessions. It is good to be back and work on the next steps of my healing journey.

Thanks for reading and thanks for letting me share.
Your sister survivor-thriver,
Leah

Wishes for Wednesday

2011-01-05T07:01:00.000-05:00

Hello. I hope that wherever you are and whatever you are doing today that you have an okay day in which you feel safe and maybe even have a bit of hope.

Survivorship, Friendship and Healing

2011-01-04T01:33:00.000-05:00

I never expected that the things that are helping me recover from the abuse may help a cancer survivor.

A friend of mine is battling breast cancer. She is in the midst of her second round of chemo and has radiation and then reconstructive surgery to go. In the midst of her cancer fight, she has been faced with problems with her children. The kids are young adults who can't/aren't able to help their mom (even emotionally.) She's really been struggling with this. She knows my story, including the years that I barely spoke with my parents. She asked me about the decision, what it was like and what it has been like to be able to reconnect with them. What I didn't expect was that some of the tools I used to handle triggers, conversations and interactions with my family would help her.

This weekend over coffee my friend told me about an article she read. In the article an incest survivor who was a competitive diver told of taking back her power by screaming "no more" while at the bottom of a dive pool. She came up for air strengthened and determined to survive and thrive. I don't know the name of the article or the name of the diver. My heart and inner chile cheered for that girl.

May we find strength, courage, healing and hope.

Death is Never Easy

2010-10-17T19:05:00.000-04:00

A friend and colleague's father recently died. He had the blessing and challenge of spending the last week of his father's life by his side. He (and his wife and children) was there when his father took his last breath.

What is painful? His sister couldn't be there. It was just too hard for her. She was unable to make the long (physically and emotionally) trip to be with her dad before or after his death. My friend is both angry with his sister and feels badly for her.

So you may be thinking that she couldn't be there because her father abused her (this is, after all a blog about surviving abuse) and that he wasn't willing to accept responsibility. Not exactly. Yes, unfortunately, she was abused. No one deserves that. No one. At any age. For any "reason." She was abused by a family member, not her father, not her brother, not her grandparents.... Her father was not her abuser. Yet, it seems that to her he is inexorably connected to her abuse. Her father and brother do not deny that the abuse happened. They accept what she says. (Something for which I yearn but I have learned to let go of that expectation.)

I feel badly for her. I feel badly for her brother (my friend) and for her (late) father.

I feel conflicted...because I understand the pain of abuse...the way it can impact all interactions with family...how it can take over your life. Yet, I see too her brother's pain, his wish that she could be present.

Life isn't easy nor simple. This is, however, a new scenario that remains on my mind.

What do you think?

Friendship

2010-08-28T23:58:00.000-04:00

As summer begins to ebb, I reflect on its events. One of the joys of this summer was the friends with whom I connected. Some of them in my home, some in their home and some along the way. I am blessed with amazing friends filled with depth, love, care and understanding.

Today I spent the majority of the day with a friend of 22 years. Our connection with each other spans multiple components of our lives - including the challenges of surviving abusive childhoods. Today we gathered to spend time with a mutual friend who is dying of a terrible disease of the brain stem. It is so sad to watch her decline. My friend is much closer to her then I am. I try to be present for both of them. Thank G-d for friends - at all times, but especially at times like these.

I hope that my summer of friends will continue into the fall, even if our connections are a combination of in person, on the phone, on Skype or Google phone through Gmail. Technology allows us to connect easier and continue our friendships.

Your grateful survivor thriver.

My Body, Myself - Fear, Healing and Body Image

2010-08-01T22:48:00.000-04:00

As a survivor, I've often felt uncomfortable in my skin. Some reading I did earlier in my healing journey helped me understand that this is partly because my father's abuse began before I had an understanding of where my body began and ended (the abuse began around 2). I've heard that many survivors face this issue, regardless of the timing of the abuse.

I never believed people when they told me that I was pretty and in fact being told I looked good set off deeply-placed alarms that I didn't really understand. I felt that looking attractive was a problem. Why? Because I was trying to find a way out of the abuse - - while I was still living in my parent's house and even afterwards, up to and through some of the healing process. When I turned to food for comfort, I got the (backwards) "benefit" of gaining weight and therefore in my own "logic" felt "safer."

Recently I began to feel more "myself" in my body and I began to feel uncomfortable with my size. Last September I decided to begin working on losing weight. I was skeptical in the beginning, I didn't think it would work. I wasn't sure if I would feel "okay" with being thinner.

- - - Important caveat - - - I do NOT believe that thinner is better. If you are reading this post and are comfortable with your size - - whatever that size is - - then good for you. If you struggle with an eating disorder, please reach out for some help. - - -

So, because I felt that I was no longer comfortable with being overweight and out of shape, I began doing weight watchers (leave me a comment if you have questions or want my thoughts on weight watchers) and started to find some success. Like all weight loss programs there have been ups and downs and I've had a relatively slow loss. Now I am about 10 pounds from my goal. This past week I reached a couple of goals-along-the-way: have a BMI# that is in the normal range and loose 30% of the weight I was when I began. It feels good to achieve both of these goals, and I have a lot of hard work coming to get the last ten pounds off and keep the weight off. (I keep telling myself that how I eat now is a lifestyle choice not a "diet" and is similar to the transition from being a carnivore to a vegetarian 17 plus years ago.)

What is my point beyond shameless bragging? I'm just beginning to realize that I feel safe feeling good about my physical body. I am okay with being attractive because I am safe with myself and safe from prior abuse. I know myself and understand that I being able to wear size 8 jeans is about health, wellness, healing and who I am today.

I hope that as I continue on the survivorship journey, that I can continue to live fully present in myself - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Thanks for reading and for letting me share.

Excited to celebrate the renewal of the Torah and myself

2010-05-18T17:54:00.000-04:00

Tonight we begin the Jewish holiday of Shavuot. Shavuot celebrates the day thousands of years ago when our people first received the Torah. Receiving the Torah is an active, rather than passive process. We repeat it yearly on the holiday and daily/weekly/monthly when we choose to engage in Jewish life. Such participation includes everything from arguing/discussing/debating faith with one another, with ourselves, with G-d to a full embracing of all components of Jewish life and living (and everything in between.)

The medieval Rabbi Bachya ibn Paquda taught many things, among them the idea that days are scrolls, write on them what we want to be remembered. Blogging has been part of my journey - blogging about life in general and about my healing journey. On this holiday, I am mindful that healing includes review of the story as a central component of growth. I pray that my celebration of Shavuot includes being present with community at Sinai as well as present with myself and my own story.

If you celebrate I hope that your observance is filled with joy, growth and hope.

No, this Blog isn't Done

2010-05-17T23:01:00.002-04:00

...Yep, I am still here. I am still posting, just not very often. :-) Thanks for your patience with my lack of blogging.

...Recently I had guests in my home for about 6 days. They were in town from Israel visiting their daughter who is about to graduate from college. I haven't had guests for that long since the marathon hosting of over 70 people in our Israeli apartment (ah, grad school.) It was nice to have them visit and to show them a glimpse of life in America. They were patient, kind and accommodating. May we all be so lucky to have such guests.

The passage of time & healing

2009-12-30T20:48:00.002-05:00

As we end the calendar year 2009 and approach another new year and new decade, I think about where I was (or more to the point wasn't) on my healing journey 10 years ago. In many ways I am a different woman now, calmer, more confident, less frightened and happier. What a joy it is to not have hypervigillance and anxiety be my first response - to know how to breathe and trust myself. Ten years ago I couldn't name the ways anxiety and hypervigillance were affecting me. Today I not only feel less of a need, but I read my reactions and can avoid the spiral.

Healing, growth and supportive friends bless me daily. I hope, pest and work on myself so that I continue to thrive more every day.

Halloween

2009-10-31T18:05:00.000-04:00

Today is Halloween or All Hallows Eve. In America it is a day for costumes, pranks, candy and scaring ourselves. It is fun to watch kids of all ages dress up, let loose a bit and confront the (hopefully) easily handled fears of halloween.

Jewels of Elul - Difficult Parents

2009-09-08T18:38:00.000-04:00

We are in the middle of the month of Elul, the month on the Jewish calendar during which we prepare for the Jewish High Holy Days of Rosh Hashanah (New Year) and Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement). Preparation takes many forms, including study and self-reflection. Craig Taubamn put together a program called Jewels for Elul. Each day of Elul he shares the words of a scholar, teacher, leader or person in the public eye. The snippets cover many topics.

Ever since I read Sunday's words by the journalist David Gregory, I have found myself returning to his words about forgiveness and difficult parents. This can be a hard time of year to deal with abusive parents. Judaism teaches that we do not have to forgive them for the abuse - especially if they don't ask us for forgiveness. (In Judaism one is not forgiven by G-d for a sin against another person until one has asked that person for forgiveness.) The relationship I have with my parents continues to change - - sometimes in a good place and often not. Yet, I know that I must continue to come to terms with the abuse of my childhood in order to continue to heal. This does not mean forgiving the abuse. It means doing what I can to live as a survivor & thriver.

David Gregory connects forgiveness with being good to others.

"As Jews, we are obligated to honor our parents in the way we honor God. The idea reflects a simple truth: without them, we wouldn’t be here.
Such an obligation, however, is not always easily met.
I have struggled with my parents as I make sense of my childhood and what I think could have and should have been different.
At times, my relationship with them has been badly strained.
What has brought me back is my commitment to what God expects of me and what it takes to become a giving person...."

Read his entire statement at Jewels of Elul, go to 17 Elul, "The Gateway to Love."

Inspired!

2009-09-07T10:31:00.001-04:00

For the past two summers I have been following Roz Savage an ocean rower who is "Rowing toward a greener future." She has already rowed across the Atlantic by herself without support and is now trying to become the first woman to solo row across the Pacific ocean. The Pacific is so large that she has broken the venture into 3 stages. She just completed stage 2 from Hawaii to Tarawa.

I find her courage, determination and physical ability an inspiration. I can't wait to follow stage 3 next year.

Thanks for the inspiration!

Blog Carnival for Child Abuse Prevention Month

2009-04-14T20:34:00.001-04:00

Mike of the Child Abuse Suvivor site is hosting this year's Blog Carnival for Child Abuse Prevention Month. Surf over there, check it out and think about what you can do to help prevent Child Abuse. [hat tip to Survivors Can Thrive]

Passover - a Time of Renewal

2009-04-14T20:19:00.001-04:00

I've been enjoying Passover this year. With only 2 more days to go, I'm not tired of matzah and not craving hametz (the term used for the foods forbidden on Passover). Why do I feel this way? Perhaps it is because I am have been working on my inner self as well. Searching for the inner hametz - the crumbs which I've left unattended and are now growing things. It is so easy to let them go and lie there, but when we let the inner stuff go unattended - they always seem to come back in negative ways.

So - whether or not you are Jewish, are keeping Passover, or have even heard of Passover - - I hope that you are finding ways to deal with your internal crumbs.

RAINN PSA about Sexual Abuse

2009-04-09T18:46:00.000-04:00

RAINN (rape, abuse & incest national networ) has a new PSA (public service announcement) with a powerful message to survivors about knowing themselves and not giving the power to the abusers. Watch it on YouTube or on the RAINN website.

More inspiration - Olympic Medalist Tells Her Story of Survival

2009-04-07T23:53:00.000-04:00

If you watched women's swimming in last summer's olympics you might remember silver medalist Margaret Hoelzer. Well her strength and heroism are only partly found in the pool. She is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. She courageously told her story recently and ESPN reporter Wayne Drehs published it. Read her story of courage and healing on the ESPN site.

Sisterhood from another blogger

2009-04-04T19:37:00.000-04:00

The community nature of blogging, especially issue blogs, helped me today. Little sheep from the blog my (sick and ugly-but getting better) story emailed. I read some of her blog and felt the empathy and sisterhood across the miles. Thank you.

Scandal at Oprah's School??

2009-03-31T17:56:00.000-04:00

My friend Nancy has an articulate and meaningful post on the possible scandal at Oprah's school in South Africa.

Been a While

2009-03-08T17:40:00.002-04:00

Yet again it has been too long since I posted to the blog. No good reason why - well, when I really look in I know the reason - - not working enough on this part of myself. My story has a different role in my life than it used too, but of course that doesn't mean I shouldn't pay attention to it. (Yes, I am preaching to myself.)

Recap of My Thanksgiving

2008-11-30T08:39:00.004-05:00

I hope that you are having a good holiday weekend (considering all of the bad news in the world). I was blessed to enjoy an amazing and delicious Thanksgiving dinner with friends. The food was great and the conversation even better. The four-day weekend has been nice and relaxing with the usual Shabbat services and volunteering - and sleeping in this morning.
As pleasant as some aspects were, the entire time was overshadowed by the horrors of the terrorist attacks in Mumbai. A long nightmere that seems to get worse every time I learn more information.

Shanah Tovah U'metukah

2008-09-29T16:07:00.001-04:00

Just a quick post to wish you and yours a peaceful, healing, hopeful and successful 5769. Happy New Year! :-);

A Sister Blogger

2008-09-23T21:17:00.003-04:00

Thank you to NechaBasha in Boston for a powerful High Holy Day ritual idea for an abuser who has died. She wrote about it in a comment on an earlier post. You can find the comment here near the bottom of the page. If find her idea powerful, strengthening and in a way that interests me, it is tangibly Jewish and connected to our tradition.

I have long felt that our tradition encourages us, prods us and even commands us to find healing and hope. (I am not in any way justifying being abused or our abusers abusing us. In no way. I am just sharing with you one of the ways that I cope.) NechaBasha's idea resonates tradition and healing.

I invite you to check out her website, JIST - Jewish Incest Survivors Together.

May our rituals this High Holy Days strengthen and heal us.

Under Palin's leadership, Wasilla, AK required women to PAY for their rape exams

2008-09-22T13:55:00.000-04:00

Imagine the nightmere of being raped. Then imagine having the courage to go to the hospital for treatment and to get a rape exam so that the evidence is collected which may help convict the rapist. These are both difficult, painful, challening things to do which rap victims need to do to help themselves and hold the rapist accountable.

Now imagine getting a bill for the hospital treatment. Think about what it would be like to get such a bill. Now you have to monetarily pay for the rape exam along with all the many other ways that the victim/survivor will pay for the exam.

If you lived in Wasilla, Alaska when Gov. Sarah Palin was mayor, you would be familiar with the above. Mayor Palin acted against Alaska law and required women to pay for their rape kits - around $1000.

See the CNN story for all the details.

This shows how much Gov. Palin cares about women, their health, their well-being, and for holding rapists accountable.
This is also an example of how as mayor Palin was willing to violate state law for her agenda. Do we really want her as VP and potential President?

Scary.

Hat tip to Nancy (via Facebook).

Congratulatons Roz!

2008-09-02T22:51:00.003-04:00

Congratulations to Roz Savage on completing the first stage of her 3-summer row across the Pacific Ocean. Yes, you read that correctly, Roz is rowing her way across the Pacific. She's aleady crossed the Atlantic on her own. Learn about her journey and environmental advocacy and education on her website RozSavage.com.

Women-power!

Welcoming Another Blogging Survivor

2008-09-02T22:33:00.002-04:00

Welcome to Rivka, author of "Ha'azina Tefilati," Hebrew for the Psalmist's please "Hear my prayer, O G-d." I learned of her through her kind comment on my blog. She is newly blogging about being an incest survivor. (She is not new to blogging.) I invite all in the community who see the post to reach out to her.

Rivka, welcome. You are not alone.

Inspiring Story

2008-08-17T19:33:00.000-04:00

Gill Hicks walked in an inspiring peace walk in the U.K. According to the BBC

Gill Hicks, 38, took 30 days to walk from Leeds to London, stopping in 22 towns and cities along the way. Her Walktalk project aimed to help people of different faiths and communities to engage with each other. Arriving in Trafalgar Square on Sunday, she said a "belief in humanity" helped her complete the journey. Mrs Hicks, who has had to use prosthetic limbs since she was maimed by a bomb at King's Cross station in 2005, walked up to ten miles a day accompanied by a group of supporters. She began the Walktalk.....

(read the rest of the story here)

Talk about using pain for good - - wow!

Georgia vs. Russis over South Osessia

2008-08-10T23:09:00.000-04:00

I know little about the conflict in Georgia / Sout Osessia other than what I am learning from the mainstream media. I know a few people who live in Tibili, Georgia (the capital) and have contacted both of them. I've heard back from one, who is worried, but oay for now. I hope and pray that things are able to be resolved peacfully and that there is as little bloodshead as possible.

A Sad Sad Day

2008-07-16T09:34:00.000-04:00

My heart breaks with sadness today. Udi Goldwasser and Eldad Regev are dead. The hope I felt since thier capture 2 years ago is gone. As a commentator on Galgalei Tzahal (Israel's Army talk radio) said, "It is a sad day for all of Israel."

May their memories be for a blessing,
May their families find strength at this difficult time.

Round and round...

2008-04-13T19:55:00.002-04:00

I am grateful to be a survivor, to understand this part of my history and my life. Comprehension is a gift. Yet, I find myself a bit frustrated. Over and over again I return to my history in new ways. Once my therapist described it as a spiral - - as we grow through life and through our survivorship we progress and come to the same issues with (hopefully) new tools and new information. Yet, we come back to the same issues. That is what frustrates me. If only we could grow and not have to come back to it. I wish.

Singing to Handle Trauma in Sderot, Israel

2008-02-12T19:34:00.000-05:00

Sderot, Israel is very near the boarder with Gaza. Gaza is controlled by Hamas, an elected organization which has as part of its mission to eradicate Israel. One way they hope to force Israel to just quit as a country (not going to happen) is by sending Qassam rockets into Sderot and other nearby towns, aiming for schools, homes, and the everyday life of people. On a typical day lately at least 15 rockets are fired. Can you imagine dealing with that? Setting aside the politics and heartbreak of the situation, people who live in Sderot (I know some) live in fear every day and many of the youth struggle with trauma.

Residents of Sderot have about less than a minute to get to a place of stafety when they hear the warning "Red Color" announcing an incoming rocket (spotted by those who watch for them). Hearing a Red Color causes panic in many, especially children.

One woman wanted to find a way to help the children of Sderot and a nearby kibbutz deal with the Red Color and the feelings that it raises. She created a song to do this. Yoav Shoam directed a You Tube video about the song, with moving commentary by children.

Watch the video:

Finally!

2008-01-27T16:18:00.000-05:00

Finally. I am posting on this blog. I bet you thought this blog was now "dead." :-) It has been far too long since I have posted and since I have really worked on my survivorship stuff. Sure, I've been busy, but I know all to well what happens when I neglect that part of myself.

So, what have I been doing? Working, working, working, working...... Too much working, truthfully. I need to find a better balance. Work is demanding and there is much to do, but that will always be true and (warning, preaching to self on the way...) I need to have a life and set a better example for the people with whom I work. (Especially since I am the boss.)

One of the fun things that has been going on with work is that I traveled to Israel again with my job. The trip was fulfilling, productive and I even took a few days of vacation at the end and relaxed! Over the five days I stayed after the formal program ended I got to see a friend's son achieve an important goal, met new friends and read 4 books. Fun!

So, I am going to better to myself, live with better balance and post more!
Have a good end to your Sunday.

Gratitude

2007-10-08T23:41:00.000-04:00

It is another late night of working - 1st at the office and now at home. Much work to do for the main job and the side job, much to do for myself. Yet, as I sit here, I am filled with gratitude, for my friends and for my life. Thank you for being who you are and being in my life.

Another blog by a Jewish incest survivor

2007-08-03T21:23:00.000-04:00

Chaplain Bonnie has a newly revived blog where she is posting on being a Jewish survivor of incest. Her early posts are poignant. Read here at Jewish Family Incest Healing.

Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse

2007-07-15T16:15:00.000-04:00

Marcella at Abyss2Hope continues to host the blog carnival against child abuse. She has raised awareness through her blog about a Nebraska rape case. She writes,

"I want to take a moment to highlight an upcoming series of events related to the Nebraska rape case where Tory Bowen (name used with permission) was forbidden by the judge to describe what happened to her as rape and where she was supposed to use the word sex instead, there are going to be more rallies on Tuesday, July 17th at various court houses.

For more about the case or the carnival go to her site.

Additional Links

2007-07-15T14:49:00.000-04:00

Something I appreciate about the blog community its the chance to reach out to each other, read each other, learn from each other and be present, even if it is through the medium of the internet. Mike of the blog Child Abuse Survivor has been such a connection for a long time. When I visited his blog today I noticed that there are many links to other survivor blogs - thanks Mike. Here are some that I found through surfing through his site and other links:

A Male's Life After Rape
Broken Dreams
Dead Puppy's Journal
Diary of a Survivor in the Making
Fear Not Your Light
Kinky Karma
Nexusdog
Sadly Normal
Surviving Incest Survivors Can Thrive
The People Behind My Eyes
The Thriver's Toolbox
Why Can't The Past Just Die?
Wings of Hope
Wounded Woman
Wrong Words
Yesterday's Ashes

Organizations that have supportive & informative sites:
Alice Miller
ASCA - Adult Survivors of Child Abuse

Hello to a blogging friend

2007-07-13T21:18:00.000-04:00

Blogging can be a liberating writing tool. So it is for a friend of mine. Take a look at her blog, "A Womyn's Ecdysis."

Wishing you a great weekend and (if applicable) a Shabbat shalom!

Update: I just spent some time reading through posts on A Womyn's Ecdysis and enjoyed every moment - you go womyn!!

Clarification on my earlier post- length of healing

2007-06-25T22:54:00.000-04:00

Hello again. [Yes, after not posting for a long time, I am posting thrice in once night. ;-) ]

I'm home now from the place where I was blogging from my Treo and when checking my earlier posts I realized I need to clarify something. I remarked about my friend "D" "Too bad that healing can sometimes be lengthy." Healing takes its own time. I did not mean to suggest that there needs to be a time limit on healing. In fact, as many of us know, healing can be like a spiral - we return to the same issues over and over again in different ways and with different tools. I am by no means judging us when it takes a long time to heal.

Thanks for letting me clarify.

Posting from my Palm

2007-06-25T22:04:00.001-04:00

A quick tech note - I'm posting from my Treo 755p and I love it!

Long term impact of abuse

2007-06-25T22:04:00.000-04:00

I had a wonderful, reconnecting conversation with a friend tonight. It was a blessing to speak with her. We've been friends for nearly 15 years, and even though we had a period of disconnection, we've picked things back up.

During our conversation tonight I was reminded of how long the pain of abuse can last. This friend was abused by an employer and the effects remain to this day.

I am mindful of the reality that I can't take away her pain - just be there for her. Too bad that healing can sometimes be lengthy.

Powerful New Site on Clergy Sexual Abuse

2007-05-09T17:14:00.000-04:00

Check out Sharon's Rose, a site on Clergy Sexual Abuse (hat tip to Chavah of Rabbinical Sexual Misconduct).

Tragedy at Virginia Tech

2007-04-18T02:40:00.000-04:00

To state the obvious, the tragedy at VT is devastating. During the past 36 hours since I learned of the shootings my mind returns frequently to the students, faculty, staff, parents and community of VT.

Within the horror there is heroism - the many people who risked or lost their lives to save others. For example, Dr. Liviu Librescu who put himself between his students and the gunman, giving the students time to flee out the window. He was killed. Dr. Librescu knew horror, for he was a Holocaust survivor and had lived in Ceaucescu's Romania. He was also an Israeli citizen and brilliant researcher. Read about his story in the Jerusalem Post.

May the Holy One bring healing to those recovering from injury, comfort to those in mourning and wisdom to us all.

Shabbat shalom & Happy Passover

2007-04-07T12:01:00.000-04:00

Shabbat shalom and Happy Passover to my Jewish readers. Happy Easter to my Christian readers. I hope all people are having a good day.

It is hard for me to believe that it has been so long since I have posted.

It is even harder to acknowledge what not posting is really about - not working on my survivor stuff. It is so easy to let life "get in the way" and to work and work and work and work to such an extent that I don't do what I need to. It is a hard lesson that I need to internalize and give myself the chance to grow in a guilt-free positive way. So, this post is a start.

Your sister survivor,
Leah

Back to work, back to the USA

2007-01-02T06:45:00.000-05:00

Once again I am back in the USA (I've been back for a few days now), finished with my work trip to Israel. It was busy, fun, exhausting and productive. Now, in about an hour it is back to the office and that life.

Wishing you and yours a happy 2007!

Blogging from an airplane over the Mediterranian

2006-12-18T08:45:00.000-05:00

How cool is this? I am in a Boeing 747-400 and using the internet by satellite for free!! What fun! Unfortunately, Boeing is ending this program. But, I'm enjoying it for now.

I hope that whatever holiday you are celebrating is joyful!

More from my travels later,
Leah

Back from Israel

2006-11-30T22:13:00.000-05:00

Ahh, vacation. I got back from Israel a few days ago. I had a wonderful, relaxing time. A feel recharged and rejuvenated (or should I say reJewvinated). I'm jet-lagged, especially because I got home one night and went to work the next morning.

I read 4 books in just under 10 days, enjoyed cafes and restaurants, the beautiful country and the Israelis. I saw some friends, relaxed and enjoyed myself.

I highly reccommed taking a vacation!

El Al...El Al...

2006-11-16T19:30:00.000-05:00

I type this in the El Al lounge in JFK airport waiting to board my flight to Israel (thanks to an amazing family (ML in memory of BL) for the gift of the ticket!) for some much needed vacation.

I can't go into any details, but this week has been one of the most stressful work weeks I have ever had in any job. Blessed be for vacations!!!

Flying to Israel, listening to Hebrew, listening to Americans who made aliyah (moved to Israel) talk about going home from their business trips continues to stoke my thoughts of making a move myself. Of course, such thoughts don't need much stoking. I'm already thinking and rethinking and hoping and thinking about doing it. Much to consider, much to decide and then I just need to make that decision. Sound circular? My internal process feels a bit circular at the moment. I look forward to paying attention to that on the trip.

Life events (or one might say the Holy One) sends us in interesting directions, eh?

Looking forward to winging my way across the ocean to Eretz Yisrael!!!

Your sister thriver,
Leah

Quiet time...on the blog that is

2006-10-28T21:04:00.000-04:00

It has been a quiet time on the blog. Nearly two months since I last posted.

Things have been crazy at work and I haven't been making the time to post. Sorry about that.

I'm getting ready to do some traveling again in a few weeks - this time for fun!!

Interesting Political Developments Today

2006-08-17T19:51:00.000-04:00

Remember the wiretapping program that President Bush instigated without getting judicial approval? In case you don't it is a program which allows the government to listen to any phone calls deemed necessary without getting a warrent. They can listen to anyone - American, visitor, Legal Alien, democrat, republican (sure)....

Well today, a judge determined that the program is unconstitutional.

According to the Washington Post,

Federal Judge Orders Halt to NSA Wiretapping

By Dan Eggen
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, August 17, 2006; 6:50 PM

A federal judge in Detroit ordered a halt to the National Security Agency's warrantless surveillance program, ruling for the first time that the controversial effort ordered by President Bush was unconstitutional.

U.S. District Judge Anna Diggs Taylor wrote in a strongly-worded 43-page opinion that the NSA wiretapping program violates privacy and free-speech rights and the constitutional separation of powers between the three branches of government. She also found that it violates a 1978 law set up to oversee clandestine surveillance.... - Read the rest of the article.

Interesting, very interesting.

Echoes of Life

2006-08-14T20:03:00.000-04:00

I lift my eyes from the screen
Around me is a cafe with people of all types
People working, talking, socializing, reading

Outside a storm pours water from the heavens
Thunder rumbling
Echoing the side-effect of lightening

So much of what we do in life has side-effects
Each choice we make
Each choice we don't make
There are echoes

Echoes of love
Echoes of joy
Echoes of loss
Echoes of pain
Echoes of hope
Echoes of Holiness
Echoes that ripple

Ripples spread, impacting others
our echoes bouncing off of them
Bringing the side-effects to a new place

Echoes reverberate around war
Echoes reverberate around peace
Which will prevail?
Where will wisdom take us?
Will wisdom even be a factor?

Echoes of life
Choices in life
Choices, echoes that we can and can't control

May your echoes be resonate with your dreams

Current Events: Amazing Video

2006-07-23T08:24:00.000-04:00

People have been asking me what my thoughts are on the current crisis in Israel and Lebanon. There are so many elements to my answer. One of them is the impact on people of bombs falling on and into their daily life. "If You Will it" posted a link to a friend's video on Current TV. Take a look at the piece is called "Dodging Katyushas" and it will give you a sense. The piece describes what happens when two Israeli guys go interview some of the employees in the Haifa train depot hit last week, killing 8.

May peace, security and saftey come soon,

With prayers for all terrorized

Film Link

2006-07-12T16:16:00.000-04:00

Through a comment to my post "Words of Wisdom from a Young Survivor" I learned of a film created by Traci Ballard. Her boyfriend Jason Malo writes, "This is a video that she created as her culminating project for her Bachelor's Degree in Women's Studies...it is based on her own life's experiences of abuse and healing."

I watched it and it is a powerful work of art. Be aware that it may be triggoring. You can watch the film on Google, specifcally http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=58389046470990082&q=dudeular

Traci, I hope the film helped your healing. Please keep working, keep sharing and keep healing.

Hard Day

2006-07-12T15:53:00.000-04:00

Hello. I feel like I need to share my day today. It's been a hard one. A dear, dear friend miscarried yesterday, and is going through a DNC today. I wish I could be there with her.

It is a horrible news day in Israel. Lebanese/Syria terrorists (state sponsored, at least state-tolerated) crossed the boarder into Israel, killed 3 soldiers and took 2. What a nightmere.

Many of us are so familiar with pain in our lives. Sometimes it is so hard, especially days like today.

As survivors, we learn as kids how to deal with such pain. Sometimes we learn techniques that are not healthy. I hope we get the chance at some point to learn helpful responses. Sharing is one for me, thus I post.

Wishing a better day tomorrow and praying for comfort for my friend, a safe procedure and for a love of life instead of terror for Israel and Israel's neighbors.

Words of Wisdom from a Young Survivor

2006-06-03T20:36:00.000-04:00

Greetings.

This afternoon/early evening, I watched the TIVO recording of Oprah's recent shows with Elie Weisel. In case you haven't heard about them or seen them, she did two shows on Elie Wiesel's book (one of 34!) Night. The book is about Wiesel's experience in the Nazi Death Concentration Camp Aushwitz. Weisel allowed Oprah to accompany him to Aushwitz and film their experience (Oprah's site on this extraordinary show). The second show covered an essay contest Oprah held on the meaning of Night in our time. The winners (one from each state) wrote eloquent, powerful things.

One of the winners of the essay contest is a survivor of Child Sexual Abuse. She said that the book helped her know that she must speak out, for if she doesn't she can't expect others to do so. So true. I'm glad she said it, and I'm glad I had a chance to see it.

Rabbi Dratch on Blogs on Abuse

2006-05-27T17:47:00.000-04:00

Rabbi Mark Dratch of JSafe, wrote an article in The Jewish Week on the question "Are Blogs Kosher?" His important article covers the issue from various perspectives - reminding bloggers, readers and the community alike that allegations, hiding information and Jewish law all factor into the mix.

Here is one quote from near the end of the article:
The rabbinic bon mot, “All Jews are responsible one for another,” is more than just a nice slogan; it is a religious obligation. Judaism holds all of its adherents — clergy and laity without distinction — accountable for the spiritual and physical well-being of others. This is most certainly true when it comes to our children. They depend on us to care for them, to protect them and to nurture them. Not only do we have an obligation to them as humans deserving safe and secure lives, but as Jews in whose hands lay the destiny of our people. Safety? Security? We owe our people and future no less. We owe each and every son and daughter no less—and much, much more.

Do you agree with him?

...in the USA

2006-05-24T17:02:00.000-04:00

Back in the USA after my brief work trip in Israel. I had a great, exhausting, wonderful, exciting time. I had a chance to go to some new musuems and see some new-to-me sites as well as make some more Israeli friends. On top of that, the work went very well. All in all a productive trip.

More later,

Posting from Israel

2006-05-10T13:53:00.000-04:00

I'm back......in the glorious Land of Israel, that is.

I'm here just for a short while as part of my work, but I am loving every exhausting minute of it.

It is wonderful to be back here, a place that is home to me and so many others.

Well, the hotel paid time is about to run out....so I say l'hitraot (Hebrew for see ya' later.)

New Abuse Awareness Blog

2006-05-01T23:00:00.000-04:00

Kate has begun a new child abuse awareness blog called Child Abuse Awareness. Email her or check out her site.

Kate, if you are reading this, I wish you all the luck, strength and hope!

Your sister survivor,
Leah

Some Powerful links from Nancy

2006-05-01T21:31:00.000-04:00

In Nancy's post from this morning she lists some powerful links. They include an art site by a survivor named Michelle Bellici.

Nancy continues to do great work - you go girl!!

Taking a Much Needed Work Break

2006-05-01T16:20:00.000-04:00

AARRGGGGGHHHHH.

Deep breath. Sigh.

Thanks for that. I feel a bit better now that I "screamed", took a (real) deep breath and sighed.

Today has been a stressful, busy day at the office. So much to do in such a short amount of time. As if that wasn't enough, a situation which I thought resolved reared itself again (okay, there was another need for an aargghhhhh), done.

Well, now I need to deal with a phone call.
Back to work.
Thanks for letting me vent.

Your sister survivor,
Leah

Nancy's Film

2006-03-31T12:20:00.000-05:00

Nancy continues to make amazing progress on her film. An excerpt of it was recently shown to college students in Southern Florida with great success. Read a write-up on it in the Miami Herald. I'm beaming with pride for her accomplishement's with the film and life in general - you go girl!

Some Interesting and Powerful Online Resources

2006-03-31T00:28:00.000-05:00

Through some recent surfing and blog reading, I've learned of some interesting and significant abuse resources on the internet.

The National Sexual Assualt Report (also known as Project 82) gives a way for people to report sexual assault, even if the statute of limitations has expired. Why? To try to prevent the abuser from hurting other kids. Here is what they say on their site:

"There are millions of sexual assault survivors who don't want to make a face/face report to the police, but who would be willing to come forward if it meant the abuser would go to prison. Using this database, a survivor can make a semi-anonymous report so in the event a detective or prosecutor is investigating a person suspected of sexual assault, the detective or prosecutor can contact the survivor to help convict the suspect." [Thanks to Mike for the original information.]

Now here is an interesting thing - a drink coaster that can dedect the presence of GHB and Ketamine - two drugs often used in seuxal assaults. What a resource - a way to detect the chemicals and hopefully prevent an assault. Will be interesting to see if it comes to the US. The company who invented it is called Drink Safe Technologies. Thanks to "Nancy S. for the original information.

Thanks for the Support

2006-03-21T22:05:00.000-05:00

Thanks to everyone for the support. Things continue to get easier.

Your sister survivor/thriver,
Leah

Update

2006-03-20T23:10:00.000-05:00

Erev tov (good evening).

Sitting on the sofa,
looking at the news,
by my side a four-legged bundled of love,
grey and white,
pink nosed, pink pawed,
sad cat.
sad human (and a poor attempt at poetry)

This morning was particularly tough for my older cat. He had been wandering the house looking for the little one. When he couldn't find her, he meowed a loud series of meows, similar to how he expressed pain. He's been near me since I got home. Poor guy, I wish I could explain things to him.

I'm doing okay - appreciative of your calls and emails. Thanks.

Wishing you a good evening and a thriver day tomorrow,
Leah

Thanks and a New Link

2006-03-19T20:50:00.000-05:00

Thanks to those who have contacted me to share their condolences. My heart is sad, especially when I see my older cat wander the house looking for her.

Through a condolence comment, I learned of Recovery Poetry, a blog about recovery from abuse using poetry as a creative tool. Thanks Al, and I wish you much healing and hope in your recovery.

With a heavy heart,
Your sister survivor,
Leah

Blessed is the True Judge - Sad news

2006-03-19T01:38:00.000-05:00

Blessed is the True Judge of humans and animals. My sweet, young cat died this morning. I just got the call from the emergency vet. The Vet who called was so nice, and sweet and I know that they did all they could for her.

She woke up not right today, and I kept my eye on her all day long. She spent much of the day on my lap. As the afternoon progressed and she got worse, I took her to my local animal hosptial. The on-call vet examined her and suggested that I take her to the closest 24-hour hospital. I took her there and by the time we got there, she was in very critical condition...wow it is hard to type these words....

They gave her love, they gave me kindness, respect and I know they took good care of her. I had just gotten home when the phone rang at 1:30 am (how many times have I known people to wait until their loved ones go home for a brief rest/shower/food before they die - now with a pet too), and I am too tired to safely make the hour drive on the windy road at this hour. I guess I'll try to get some sleep and go back around 6 am in daylight.

My sweet little kitty.
May The Holy One bring her peace,

Here are some pictures of her - one as a kitten, one more recent. - UPDATE - I am having difficutly uploading the pictures. I've done all of the troubleshooting steps in blogger help. Will try again later today/tomorrow.

UPDATE Sunday afternoon - Here are the pictures

Pride

2006-03-14T14:16:00.000-05:00

I write today to share pride - pride in my friend Nancy of Fancy Nancy. She has done and continues to do important, worderful work. Way to go, girl!

One more....

2006-02-14T01:26:00.000-05:00

While reading through my comments I learned of one more - ~~Living a Large Life~~Its Life...Gotta Love it.

Thanks to all my fellow survivor/thrivers!

Getting things Accomplished

2006-02-14T01:10:00.000-05:00

Things are getting accomplished. Phew. Thanks for the encouraging thoughts and emails.

A Moving Blog

2006-01-31T01:17:00.000-05:00

Through Savta Dotty, I found a poignant and heartfelt blog called Dancing in Place. The author writes about being parapelegic in moving poetry.

Read, enjoy and share.

Working My Way Through Something

2006-01-30T23:24:00.000-05:00

It seems to be that yet again I am working my way through a tough time. So much to do and it is so easy to just let things like the house, eating, working out - so easy to let them go. I'm trying and I'm just sharing where I am right now.

I'm going to keep striving, keep putting one foot and one finger in front of the other.

Your sister survivor,
Leah

Another Link Addition

2006-01-02T16:24:00.000-05:00

Susan at Illusive Life links to My True Self, a blog about an abuse survivor's religous journey. Her journey is to Christianity while mine is in Judaism - perhaps there will be some similarities, even with the theological and spiritual differences in our faiths.

Keep surviving, keep thriving!!

Another New Survivor Site

2006-01-01T10:43:00.000-05:00

Check out Beneath My Facade, a site by a survivor for survivors and those who are looking to understand the issues around violation, abuse and rape. (Thanks to Dreams-Comfort-Memory-Despair for the link.)

Keep surviving and thriving!

A Bit of Politics

2005-12-31T16:57:00.000-05:00

I've been staying away from politics lately, but here is a tidbit I found while surfing this afternoon:

MSNBC has a poll about whether Bush should be tried for impeachment (thanks to Feministe for the orignial link). Check it out and take the poll yourself.

Here are the results shown as I took the survey (based on 183750 responses):

Do you believe President Bush's actions justify impeachment?
Yes, between the secret spying, the deceptions leading to war and more, there is plenty to justify putting him on trial.
86%

No, like any president, he has made a few missteps, but nothing approaching "high crimes and misdemeanors."
5%

No, the man has done absolutely nothing wrong. Impeachment would just be a political lynching.
8%

I don't know.
2%

Interesting, isn't it?

Link Updates

2005-12-31T16:35:00.000-05:00

Hi. On the left you will notice a number of updates to the links.

I have listed all the surivor blogs on the left (click to go right to links) rather than having you go over to bloglines to find their RSS feeds. (By the way, they are still part of my public bloglines if you want to read there.) So, you can see all the blogs of which I am aware who deal with survivor issues.

I recently became aware of a number of new blogs (thanks Mike):

Survivors:
Dogs and Cats and Teddy Bears

Activism:
The Committee for Rabbinic Integrity, dealing with Rabbis who abuse.

The survivor bloging community seems to be growing. I hope others find it as helpful as I have.

Happy new year again,
Leah

Happy New Year

2005-12-31T16:24:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year everyone.

I hope that 2006 is a year of hope and strength, courage and commitment, joy and love, health and happiness.

May each day that we walk the survivor's path be filled with friendship and hope.

Your sister survivor thriver,
Leah

Happy Boxing Day & Another Surivor Blog

2005-12-26T15:29:00.000-05:00

Greetings!

A belated Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it.
Happy Hanukkah to my Jewish readers.
Happy Kwanza - may the values of Kwanza illumine your lives like the candles of the candelabra.
Happy Boxing Day to the Brits.

Such a confluence of holidays!

I hope that whatever you celebrate you find joy, hope, courage and the nurturing presence of friends.

Now, on to a blog link....

Through The Last One I learned of a survivor blog Dreams-Comfort-Memory-Despair. Feray, welcome to the survivor blog community. You are not alone.

Strength, hope and light during this dark time for all.
Your sister survivor,
Leah

Another New Blog

2005-12-16T23:31:00.000-05:00

Here is another new blogs:

The Abuse Ends Now!

Let's not only read the blog, but work to make this true. What a day it will be when there is no more abuse!!!

New Survivor Blog - "The Last One"

2005-12-13T20:59:00.000-05:00

Through a comment on this blog, I have learned of an Israeli woman's survivor blog, HaAchrona, or the Last One. Check it out.

An Amazing Woman Has a New Blog

2005-12-08T02:34:00.000-05:00

Greetings from my sleep-deprived 2:35 am fingers.

My dear friend Nancy is blogging her current trip in Israel. She is there working on and promoting her film, "Between Us" about a rape (which took place in Jerusalem a few years ago) and its aftermath. Check out her blog filled with heartfelt writing and beautiful pictures - FancyNancy. You go girl!!

From your sister survivor/thriver,
Leah

Comments back

2005-12-06T22:24:00.000-05:00

Comments are back - hooray!

Tricks to Feel Better

2005-12-06T19:11:00.000-05:00

Are you stressed out, a bit under the weather, or have a tickle in your throat? If so, check out this Men's Health article on 18 Tricks to Teach Your Body. (Hat tips to What's in Rebecca's Pocket and Gordon McLean.)

Having Comment Problems

2005-11-27T15:35:00.000-05:00

Greetings. Please bear with me. I am having comment problems, but am working on it.

Thanks for your patience.

Your sister survivor,
Leah

Thanksgiving

2005-11-23T22:20:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow's holiday (for Americans, that is) is one which focuses on family. That can make it particularly troubling and difficult for survivors. If you are eating with family, including abusers or enablers or those who deny the abuse, I wish you strength and courage. Please know that you are not alone. Survivors and other supporters care about you and are reaching out to you.

Me, I am not in that position - fortunately. I am traveling to see a great and awesome friend and her family. I can't wait to see them.

Wishing you and those whom you love a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Take Back the Night

2005-11-21T21:28:00.000-05:00

Women and men gathered at the reflecting pool, bundled up against the chill night air. White ribbons adorned lapels, symbolizing the message of take back the night - walking with victims, survivors, friends, and supporters of those who have been raped or assaulted. In their hands candles lighting their way and pamphlets listing some of the rapes and assaults which happened around campus. The stories within the pamphlets were told at stopping points around campus, after each one the group proclaimed together, "for this person and for all people we march tonight."

I joined with the group, joining in each step, listening to the stories and responding with the chorus along with the group. The physical steps felt like steps for me - for each part of my story, the abuse by my parents, by the abusive "boyfriend" and the struggle for healing. Steps healed, steps comforted, steps brought me peace.

Want some background on Take Back the Night? Check out this link from the Rear Guard".

So Long, No Post

2005-11-08T23:37:00.000-05:00

Wow. Where does the time go? Is it November already? I can't believe how fast time is going. So much to do at the Job and on the Project.

What have I been doing? Working at both. Seems like non-stop.

Today was a day full of work, learning, writing, joy and saddness.

Let's do saddness first. I am sad over the results of my local election race. A good friend's candidate didn't win, a friend of mine didn't win (although that person is pleased with the end result) and only one of a list of issues came out the way which I think is best for my state. Yuck.

Joy. A few election results seem to have gone well. One of the candidates who has a sign in my yard won tonight! Hooray! The issue for which I also have a sign in my yard also passed (is ahead by a good margin as I type).

Working - I had some good planned and good impromptu meetings at work today. Each day I feel like I am accomplishing another task on the learning curve of this big new job. (I guess I will have to stop saying new soon, as it will be 5 months next week.)

Learning - each day I try to learn, grown and absorb something new. Today I feel like I did it a few times.

Writing - got some done today for the job and myself.

So - - my survivor journey. Where am I? It receeds farther and farther into the background, part of the list of who I am as opposed to one of the things in the top 6. That feels good. Sometimes it feels like I ignore it, and yet other times I feel like I'm in the right place.

Those are my thoughts as the clock nears midnight.

Wishing you well,

Yom Kippur

2005-10-12T12:13:00.000-04:00

Yom Kippur begins tonight at sundown. The descent of the sun will usher in 25 hours of introspection, repentenance, remembrance and prayer. I pray that my personal and professional preparation for Yom Kippur facilitates a meaningful Atonment process for me and for those who surround me.

Many other thoughts are running through my mind today. Right now they have not yet congealed into something articulate and wise. Thus, I think I will hold off on posting more about the day. Watch for stuff after Yom Kippur ends.

Wishing all those celebrating Yom Kippur a meaningful day,
May all be sealed in the Book of Life for health, joy, learning, love and growth.

Another "Natural" Disaster

2005-10-11T01:21:00.000-04:00

The news over the past few days on the earthquake in Pakistan/Kashmir/India is horrifying. Damage, pain, anguish and heartache fill yet another group of people. So sad. Seemingly inexplicable to have so much tragedy in so many parts of the world in a short time. Why? A multi-million dollar question. I can't help but think that global warming plays a role. It certainly seems to be exacerbating the hurricanes.

What can we do? We can help. Insanity Works has a site on earthquake relief. [Thanks to What's In Rebecaa's Pocket? for the original link.]

May we do our part to ease the pain in many places at home and around the world.